What do u have ???? Tumhare Paas Kya Hai ???

What do u have ???? Tumhare Paas Kya Hai ???

A Senior Manager working in an MNC, as usual after lunch goes to the cafeteria for coffee.

He relaxes in canteen. He sees a canteen boy cleaning tables there.

To Kill time he decides to have fun with him.

He calls him.

Senior Manager - (Asks canteen boy) : How much do you earn?

Canteen boy smiles...

Senior Manager - what are your future plans?

Canteen boy keeps quiet...

Senior Manager - where do you see yourself 10 years down the line?

Canteen boy gives a cold stare.

Senior Manager - Jab mai Bangalore aaya tha tab mere paas bhi kuch

nahi tha.... Aaj mere paas kya nahin hai...

naam hai..........,

shohrat hai.........,

paisa hai............

Izzat Hai.............,

tumhare paas kya hai?

Scroll down to find out his answer

Don't think that he answered like Shashi Kapoor of Deewar ki "Mere

paas Maa hain"

Just Scroll some more..............

....


........


..........



..........


................

.............



...............



..............


................

.................


.........................................

Canteen boy - Sa'ab mere paas bahut KAAM hai....


Senior Manager leaves the cafeteria silently.......

Boss & Problem

Never take a problem to your boss unless you have a solution

Jeetao Preeto Santa Banta And Sardarji Jokes

Jeetao Preeto Santa Banta And Sardarji Jokes

Sardar: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.
Jeeto: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml now it's 1.5 ltr.

************ ********* ********* ***

On Jeeto's bday Sardar had no money,

so he sent a cheque of 100 kisses.

When he returns home Jeeto said:

Thanks I got cheque cashed from bank manager.


************ ********* ********* ****
Teacher: make a sentence in which 1 word repeated 4 times
Sardar: lara dutta marries brian lara and she becomes lara lara
************ ********* ********* *****
Teacher: is line ki english banao, usne apna kaam kiya or karta hi gya.
Santa: He done his work and done dana dan done dana dan....
************ ********* ********* ****
Santa went to mysore palace.
Tourist guide - santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chair
Santa - oye dont worry yaar i'll get up when he comes.!!..

************ ********* ********* *****
Sardar wanted to make a STD. call to punjab,
He wanted to save money so what did he do?
Simple, he went to punjab and made a local call.


************ ********* ********* ***
A Sardar enters shop shouts,
Where is my free gift with this oil?
Shopkeeper: Iske Saath koi gift nahin hai bhai saab !!
Sardar : Oye ispe likha hai CHOLESTROL FREE.


************ ********* ********* *****

SARDAR JOKE

SARDAR JOKE

Air hostess: Aap 1 gante me 4bar toilet gaye! R U OK? Kya aap ko chein nahi hai? SARDAR: 'Chain' hai par khulti nahi hai!!!


Sardar on phone "Doctor my wife is pergnant.She is having pain right now".
Doctor: Is this her first child?
Sardar: No this is her husband speaking............


Sardars looking at Egyptian mummy.Sardar1:Look so many bandages, pakka truck accident case. Sardar2: Aaho, truck nambar bhi likha hai. BC-1760!!

Sardar: Will u merry , after i die .
Wife : No i wiil live with my sister.
Wife : Will u marry , after i die .
Sardar: No i will also live with ur sister.


How do you make a Sardar laugh on "Saturday"?
Tell him "a joke on Tuesday....!!!!

Sardarji is filling up a job application...........................
He promptly fills in the lines on Name, Age, Addr,& etc.
Then came the column Salary Expected.....................
After much thought he writes: Yes.............................

A Sardar saw a Beautiful Girl,he Went and Kissed her.
Girl: "STUPID what r u doing?"
Sardar: B.Com final year"

A sardarji photographer is focusing a dead body's face in a funeral function,
suddenly all dead persons relatives beat him. why? He said "SMILE PLEASE"


Teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"


Ek sardar exame dene gaya to apnay saath palumber ko saath le kar gaya.
guess karo kyun le kar gaya?
aray yaar simple hai us ko yeh news mili thi k paper leak ho gaya. ha ha ha ha ha ha.


Aik Sardar Apnae Marriage Certificate ku 1 hour sae Dekh raha tha.
Begam Ai Booli, Tusi inni Dair Say Kia Dekh Rahe Hu?
Sardar Bola, Expiry Date Dekh raha hoon......

Sardar Jokes (Santa Banta)

Sardarji ke Jokes

Sardar : I hav'nt slept all nite in the train.
Friend : why?
Sardar : Got upper berth.
Friend : why didn't you exchange?
Sardar : Oye, there was nobody to exchange in the lower berth..
------------------------- -----------------
Teacher lecturing on population:
In India after Every 10 sec a women gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up and says: we must find and stop her !!
------------------------- ------------
Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected"
After much thought he wrote : Yes
------------------------- -------------------
Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave him 11 cr after deducting tax.
Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.!
------------------------- ------------------------- -----
Sardar proposed a Girl
. . .
Girl said 'I'm 1 year elder to you'
. . .
Sardar said 'Oye No Problem Soniye, I'll marry you NEXT YEAR
------------------------- ------------------
Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
------------------------- --------
A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the morning.
Sardarji replied ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''
Note: Manmohan Singh is the Prime Minister (PM) of INDIA
------------------------- ------
Urine Test
Two sardarjis were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like anything.
So the other asked, "Why are you crying?"
The first one replied, "I came here for blood test"
Second one asked, "So? Are you afraid?"
First one replied, "No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger"
Hearing this the second one started crying. The first one was astonished and asked other, "Why are you crying?"
The other replied, "I have come for my urine test."
------------------------- ----------
One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in UK.
A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing"
Sardar answered '" No I am Banta Singh"
Another Guy Came and asked the same Question.
Sardar answered " No No Me ! Banta Singh"
Third one came and asked the same question, Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to
shift his place.
While walking he saw another Sardar enjoying the Beach.
He went and asked him " Are you Relaxing?". The other Sardar was much educated and answered "Yes I am relaxing.
The Sardar slapped him on his face and said "Idiot, they are all searching for you and you are sitting here"



Best Answers For Interview

7 Best Answers For Interview

( How to make fool & win)

Q: Why did you leave your last job?
Real answer: It didn’t work out.
What you should say: I felt my talents and abilities were underutilised.
------------------------- -------------------------
Q: What are your biggest weaknesses?
Real answer:
Hate all forms of authority and can't concentrate for long.
What you should say:
I am a workaholic. I just don't know when to put down my work.
------------------------- ------------------------- ---
Q: You don't seem to hold on to a job long. Why should we think you'll stay here any longer than you've stayed elsewhere?
Real answer: My employers have always had a hang-up about keeping only competent employees.
What you should say: I am at a point in my career where I am tired of moving around. I really want to feel part of a team, a long-term enterprise, where I can make a contribution.
------------------------- ------------------------- -----
Q: How do you handle change?
Real answer: I deal with it everyday.
What you should say: I think everyone knows that today the only constant is change. I thrive on it.
------------------------ ------------------------- --
Q: How do you get along with others?
Real answer: Fine, as long as they stay out of my way.
What you should say: I think the interpersonal dynamics of the workplace can be among the most satisfying aspects of any job.
------------------------- ------------------------- --
Q: What does the word success mean to you?
Real answer: It means that I don't have to drag myself out of bed.
What you should say: Success, for me, would be knowing I am making a difference working with a team of people to make a more profitable enterprise.
------------------------- ------------------------- ---
Q: What does the word failure mean to you?
Real answer: It means I continue to collect unemployment insurance.
What you should say: Failure? I'm sorry. That word is not in my vocabulary.

Who is the Father of Abhishek Bachhan - KBC Amitabh & Santa

Who is the Father of Abhishek Bachhan - KBC(Kaun Banega Karorepati) Amitabh & Santa

Amitabh : Apka 13th question 25 lakh ke leye yeh raha apke samne..
Contestant Santa Singh is tensed.
Amitabh : Who is the father of Abhishek Bacchan




ON Computer Screen:

A. Amitabh Bacchan B. Laloo Prasad Yadav
C. Azharuddin D. General Perverz Musharaff .


Amitabh : Apka kya jawab hai ?! ( He is quite sure that Santa will opt for A)
But Santa is still confused.


Amitabh : Apke pas do life line hai..50:50 and phone a friend.
Santa: I think it is A, but am not sure.


Amitabh : Not sure... Hmmm ap kya karna chahenge?
Santa : I would like to use 50:50?


Amitabh: Ok computer , 2 galat javabo ko mita de..

Computer after deleting two names, leaves two options which are: -
B. Laloo Prasad Yadav.
C. Moh. Azharuddin.


Amitabh is confused and tensed thinks how come the computer has made this
mistake But as is said in bollywood the show must go on.
Now Santa is confused.
Santa: I would like to use the last life line phone a friend..
Amitabh : Ap kisko phone karna chahenge?
Santa : "Mein Jaya Bachan ji ko phone karna chahoonga...."


Amitabh Fainted !!!!!
And the call is now connected to Jayabachan and listen ......
Santa asked the question to Jaya.
Santa : " Jayaji , Who is the father of Abhishek Bacchan ?
Jaya Bachan: Give me the options!!!!!!

How To Propose A Girl in C Program

Read & Enjoy : How To Propose A Girl in C Program

#include “STD ISD PCO.h”
#include “love.h”
#define Cute beautiful_lady
main()
{
goto college;
scanf(“100%”,&ladies);
if(lady ==Cute )
line++;
while( !reply )
{
printf(“I Love U”);
scanf(“100%”,&reply);
}
if(reply == “GAALI”)
main(); /* go back and repeat the process */
else if(reply == “SANDAL “)
exit(1);
else if(reply == “I Love U”)
{
lover =Cute ;
love = (heart*)malloc(sizeof(lover));
}
goto restaurant;
restaurant:
{
food++;
smile++;
pay->money = lover->money;
return(college);
}
if(time==2.30)
goto cinema;
cinema:
{
watch++;
if(intermission)
{
coke++;
Popecorn++;
}
}
if(time ==6.00)
goto park;
park:
{
for(time=6.30;time<=8.30;time+=0.001)
kiss = kiss+1;
}
free(lover);
return(home);
if(time ==9.30)
goto pub;
pub:
{
friends++;
party++;
booze++;
smoke++;
if(pub.close())
{
pay->bill;
come->out;
}
}
if (highly->intoxicated)
goto friendsroom;
else
{
sweetpan++;
polo++;
goto home;
}
friendsroom:
{
goto sleep;
}
home:
{
if(mom.shouts())
{
reason=(combinedstudy-project-work-friends-bday);
say->reason;
}
if(dad.shouts())
shut->yourmouth;
call->lover;
if(phone->voice==(lover_dad->voice
lover_mom->voice))
{
hang++;
}
else if(phone->voice==lover->voice)
{
for(time=12:30;time<=1.30;time+=0.001)
{
say->ILuvU;
scanf(“100%”,&reply); /* “I Love U” already stored in reply */
}
}
goto sleep;
}
sleep:
{
*(dream)=love;
}
}

Little Johnny & Fake Money

Little Johnny & Hobby Shop

Little Johnny went into a hobby shop, took a toy plane, and gave the shopkeeper fake money.


The shopkeeper told him, "Hey you, this ain't real money."

Little Johnny did not reply as he began to walk out of the shop.

The shopkeeper said the same thing and the same thing happened.

The third time the shopkeeper called him, Little Johnny said "What?"

The shopkeeper said, "This aint real money!"

Little Johnny finally said, "And this aint a real plane!"

Today's Professional Management FUNDAS

Today's Professional Management FUNDAS

1."We will do it" means "You will do it"


2."You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"


3."We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on the same"


4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done "At least not tomorrow!"


5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"


6."There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied"


7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will talk later"


8."We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time"


9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."


10."We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually fought"


11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"


12."You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"


13."We need to find out the real reason" means "Well I will tell you where your fault is"


14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected," means, "Well you know..."


15."We are a team," means, "I am not the only one to be blamed"


16."That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it"

17."All the Best" means "You are in trouble"

Good Humour - Aishwarya Roy,Manmohan Singh, Asif Jardari, Sonia Gandhi in Tunnel !! Enjoy

Humour : Aishwarya Roy,Manmohan Singh, Asif Jardari, Sonia Gandhi in Tunnel

This joke has been making rounds for quite a few years now….names of the celebrities keep changing though…Gud one… Enjoy...!!



Politics In Tunnel

Manmohan Singh, Asif Zardari, Aishwarya Rai and Sonia Gandhi were traveling in a train. The train suddenly goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark.

Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. Sonia and Manmohan are sitting there looking perplexed. Zardari is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.


Sonia is thinking: "This guy (Zardari) is all crazy after Aishwarya. Zardari must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him".

Aishwarya is thinking: "Zardari must have moved to kiss me, and kissed Sonia instead and got slapped." Zardari is thinking: "Damn it! Manmohan must have tried to kiss Aishwarya, she thought it was me and slapped me."


Manmohan Singh is thinking: "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap Zardari again."

Singh is King! Singh is King!! Singh is King!!!

Important For Life - STRUGGLE

STRUGGLE - Why It So Important in Life

Trials in life can be tragedies or triumphs, depending on how we handle them. Triumphs


don't come without effort.


A biology teacher was teaching his students how a caterpillar turns into a butterfly. He


told the students that in the next couple of hours, the butterfly would struggle to come out


of the cocoon. But no one should help the butterfly. Then he left.




The students were waiting and it happened. The butterfly struggled to get out of the


cocoon, and one of the students took pity on it and decided to help the butterfly out of the


cocoon against the advice of his teacher. He broke the cocoon to help the butterfly so it


didn't have to struggle anymore. But shortly afterwards the butterfly died.




When the teacher returned, he was told what happened. He explained to this student that


by helping the butterfly, he had actually killed it because it is a law of nature that the


struggle to come out of the cocoon actually helps develop and strengthen its wings. The


boy had deprived the butterfly of its struggle and the butterfly died.




Apply this same principle to our lives. Nothing worthwhile in life comes without a struggle.


As parents we tend to hurt the ones we love most because we don't allow them to


struggle to gain strength.

Great Sardar Jokes/Fun/Amusement

Great Sardar Jokes

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!



Sardar: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar: U cheated me.


Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.


Sardar: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'All India Radio! '
--------------------------------------------------
Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?


Sardar: An old king's skeleton.


Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?


Sardar: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.


---------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar declares:


.... . . I will never marry in my life &. . .


.. . . I'll give same advice to my children also. . . ..
-----------------------------------------------------------


A donkey kicked a Sardar & ran away


Sardar ran to catch the donkey.


He saw a zebra & started beating it & said 'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka de raha hai'.


------------------------


Santa went to Mysore palace.


Tourist guide - Santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chair


Santa - Oye dont worry yaar i'll get up when he comes.!!..
--------------------------------------


Sardar wanted to make a STD call to punjab,


He wanted to save money so what did he do?


Simple, he went to punjab and made a local call..
-------------------------------------------------


One tourist from U.S.A.asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village?


Sardar: No sir, only small babies!!!
-------------------------------------------
Teacher: A for?


Sardar: Apple


Teacher: Jor se bolo?


Sardar: Jay mata di.
-------------------------------------


2 sardars were fighting after exam.


Sir: Y r u fighting?


1st Sardar: This fool left the answer sheet blank,


Sir: So what?


1st Sardar: Even i did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both copied.
------------------------------


Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts its 1 leg, and says, "chal", it walks.


He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, "chal" , it walks.


He cuts all the legs and said, "chal....." Finally he wrote the conclusion.......


..... "after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes deaf......"


---------------------------------------


2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.


Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.


Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....
-------------------------------


A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.


Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?


Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating.......
----------------------------------------




2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.


Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.


Sardar 2: Dont worry, I have one more.
-----------------------


Sardar: What is the name of your car?


Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.


Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.
-------------------------








Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.


Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
---------


Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken..


Sardar: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

Economics: SOCIALISM, COMMUNISM, FASCISM, NAZISM, BUREAUCRATISM

 Cow Economics: SOCIALISM, COMMUNISM, FASCISM, NAZISM, BUREAUCRATISM, TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

SOCIALISM:

You have 2 cows

and you give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM:

You have 2 cows

the Government takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM:

You have 2 cows

the Government takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM:

You have 2 cows.

The Government takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM:

You have 2 cows

the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION: (i love this one)

You have two cows.

You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows

But you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION:

You have 5000 cows

None of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

Both are mad.

AN IRISH FARMER:

You have two cows.

You claim government subsidies for eight cows

Great Buddha - How To Handle Insult With Compassion

Great Buddha - How To Handle Insult With Compassion

The Buddha explained how to handle insult and maintain compassion.




One day Buddha was walking through a village. A very angry and rude young man came up and began insulting him. "You have no right teaching others," he shouted. "You are as stupid as everyone else. You are nothing but a fake."






Buddha was not upset by these insults. Instead he asked the young man "Tell me, if you buy a gift for someone, and that person does not take it, to whom does the gift belong?"






The man was surprised to be asked such a strange question and answered, "It would belong to me, because I bought the gift."






The Buddha smiled and said, "That is correct. And it is exactly the same with your anger. If you become angry with me and I do not get insulted, then the anger falls back on you. You are then the only one who becomes unhappy, not me. All you have done is hurt yourself."






"If you want to stop hurting yourself, you must get rid of your anger and become loving instead. When you hate others, you yourself become unhappy. But when you love others, everyone is happy."






The young man listened closely to these wise words of the Buddha. "You are right, o Enlightened One, "he said. "Please teach me the path of love. I wish to become your follower."






The Buddha answered kindly, "Of course. I teach anyone who truly wants to learn. Come with me."

Difference between James Bond and Bond

Joke/Fun on James Bond

On a flight James bond was sitting next to a Telugu guy.



Telugu Guy: "Hello, May I know your name please?"


James Bond: "My name is Bond" Continuing in his inimitable style, "......James Bond."


Then Bond asks: "And you?"

Telugu Guy: "My name is Rao...


Siva Rao...


Samba Siva Rao...


Venkata Samba Siva Rao...


Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...


Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...


Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...


Vijayawada Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao..."


Since then when anyone asks Bond his name he simply says "James Bond"



Great Humours/Jokes/Fun

Great Humours/Jokes/Fun

Plan For Future :



Teacher asks children, what do u wish 2 do in future?

Ahmed : I want 2 b a pilot.

James : I want 2 b a doctor.

Deepa: I want 2 b a good mother.

Asif : I want 2 help Deepa.

----------------------

Exams:

Exams are like GIRL FRIENDS;

1,Too Many Questions.

2,Difficult to Understand.

3,More Explanation is Needed.

4,Result is always FAIL!
-----------------------------------------


Liar:

A man is dying of Cancer.His son asked him, "Dad, why do u keep telling people u're dying of AIDS?"

Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare touch ur mom.

-------------------------------

Delivered:

Sardar sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. Two seconds later a report came to his phone and he started dancing. The report said, "DELIVERED".

-----------------------------------------------

Three Feelings:

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant, tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and panic is when both are pregnant.

----------------------------------------

The Equation:

7 Glance = 1 Smile

7 Smile = 1 Meeting

7 Meeting = 1 Kiss

7 Kisses = 1 Proposal

7 Proposal = 1 Marriage

And that 1 Bloody marriage has 777777777777 problems. So beware of glance!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Promotion Funda

Funda To Get Promotion

People who do lots of work...



make lots of mistakes






People who do less work...


make less mistakes






People who do no work...


make no mistakes






People who make no mistakes...


gets promoted






That's why I spend most of my time


sending e-mails & playing games at work


                                   I need a promotion.



Award Wining Joke in Britain(UK)

Award Wining Joke - England

This particular joke won the award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain and it was sent by an Indian...



Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep.


Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.


"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."


Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."


"What does that tell you?"


Watson ponders for a minute.


"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.


Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.


Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.


Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.


Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"


Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks.


"Someone has stolen our tent".


What it brings out is how we tend to complicate issues and then miss the most obvious things. Too much knowledge is no help


unless we have the wisdom to guide it to an effective conclusion.
 
Link to Buy / Purchase Joke Books -
Cheer Up Britain: The Best British Jokes & Cartoons Of The Past 25 Years ,

A National Joke: Popular Comedy and English Cultural Identities

Good Humour - Husband and Wife

Good Humour - Husband and Wife

A man who was driving a car with his wife was stopped by a police officer.



The following exchange took place.


The man says, "What's the problem, officer?"


Officer: "You were going at least 75 speed in a 55 zone."


Man: "No sir, I was going 65 km."


Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80 km/p." (The man gave his wife a


dirty look.)


Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken taillight. "


Man: "Broken taillight? I didn't know about a broken taillight!"


Wife: "Oh Harry, you've known about that taillight for weeks." (The man


gave his wife another dirty look.)


Officer: "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt."


Man: "Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car."


Wife: "Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt."


The ! man turned to his wife and yelled, "SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"


The officer turned to the woman and asked, "Ma'am, does your husband talk


to you this way all the time?"


The wife said, "No, only when he's drunk."

Amazing Historical Facts of America (USA) Abraham Lincoln & John F. Kennedy

Amazing Historical Facts of America (USA) - Connection / Relation between Abraham Lincoln & John F. Kennedy

Have a history teacher explain this----- if they can.



Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.


John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.






Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.


John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.






Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.


Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.






Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.


Both Presidents were shot in the head.






Now it gets really weird.





Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.


Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.






Both were assassinated by Southerners.


Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.






Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.


Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.






John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.






Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.






Both assassins were known by their three names.


Both names are composed of fifteen letters.






Now hang on to your seat.






Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'


Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln' made by 'Ford.'






Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse. Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.






Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.






And here's the kicker...






A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland


A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.






Creepy huh? Send this to as many people as you can, cause: Hey, this is one history lesson people don't mind reading