Humour Quotes

Humour Quotes

1. A FOOLish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.
2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption : Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY 3. Three FASTEST means of Communication : 1. Tele-Phone 2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.
4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.
 5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman. Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him. Moral : BE SPECIFIC
 6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ? It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your Friends.
 7. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest. They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them. Ant 1 says : we should KILL him. Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone. Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path. Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.
8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life. If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.
9. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE. Answer : On their MARRIAGE.
10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness. Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.
 11. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women. Because per Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.
 12. "A Ship is always safe at the shore - but that is NOT what it is built for" - Albert Einstein

Good One Liners Joke/Humour/Fun

Good One Liners Joke/Humour/Fun

He is dark and handsome. When it's dark, he's handsome.

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Teaching is the greatest act of optimism.
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If money won't make you happy, you won't like poverty either.
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A somebody was once a nobody who wanted to and did.
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Everyone believes in heredity until their children act like fools
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There is a guaranteed way to get what you want... want less
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In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker
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All men are different, but husbands are all alike
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I am not single, I'm romantically challenged
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On the internet nothing is illegal, its all e-legal
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Make crime pay, become a lawyer.
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We the willing, following the unknowing are doing the impossible. We have
done so much for so long with so little that we are now able to do anything with nothing
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National Debt: When everyone exceeds their charge card limits
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A good listener is usually thinking about something else
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Hard work must have killed someone!
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You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it
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I fell in love at first sight... I should have looked twice
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Freedom of speech is wonderful, it's right up there with the freedom not to listen
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All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage
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Integrity is like oxygen - the higher you go, the less there is of it.

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