Sardar Jokes

Sardar Jokes  

Interviewer: what is your birth date?
 Sardar: 13th October
Which year?
Sardar : Oye ullu ke pathe _ _ _ EVERY YEAR
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Manager asked to sardar at an interview Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.
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Teacher to Sardar: Write your best friend's name in English.
Sardar wrote: ' Beautiful Red Underware'
Teacher: What? Sardar: His name is Sundar Lal Chadda
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After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife, Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?
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 One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village???
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!
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Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
So Sardar writes, "Gandi was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanthi.
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Sardar was doing experiment with cockroach, first he cut it's one leg and told WALK. WALK.
Cockroach walked.
Then he cut it's second leg and told the same.
Cockroach walked.
Then cut the third leg and did the same.
At last he cut it's fourth leg and ordered it walk!
But cockroach didn't walk. Suddenly sardar said loudly, "I found it. If we cut cockroach's four legs, it becomes deaf.
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When sarda r was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver adjusted mirror.
Sardar shouted, "You are trying to see my wife? Sit back. I will drive.
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Sardar went in a hotel. To wash hands he went to the washbasin. There he started washing the basin.
Seeing this, the manager asked what was he doing.
 Sardar pointed towards the board "WASH BASIN"
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Interviewer: just imagine your in 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape?
Sardar : its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!
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A sardar invested 2 Lakhs in a business and Suffered huge Loss.
Do u know what the business was? . . . .. . . . . .. . .
He opened a Saloon in Punjab!
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A Sardarji photographer is focusing a dead body's face in a funeral function, suddenly all dead persons relatives beat him.
why?
He said "SMILE PLEASE"
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Sardarji gets ready, wears tie, coat, goes out, climbs tree, and sits on the branch regularly.
 A man asks why he does this.
Sardarji: "I've been promoted as branch manager."
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Why is a Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open mouth..............
... Because his doctor advised him "Today's dinner should be light"
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One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college.
U know Why?
 Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...
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Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It's already raining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.
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Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever - What will come first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.
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 Postman: - I Have To Come 5 Miles to Deliver U This Packet
Sardar: - Why did u come so far.
 Instead u could have posted it....
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Sardar's wish: when i die, i wana die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all d passengers in d bus he was driving..
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A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the morning.
Sardarji replied ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.
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 Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
The Chinese friend just says "CHIN YU YAN" and dies.
Sardarji goes 2 china 2 find meaning of friends last words. It is 'U R STANDNG ON the OXGN TUBE!"
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Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
His wife asked what you are doing.
 He said-I am seeing how I look while sleeping.
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Why did Sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it?
Guess what...---To avoid side effect!!!
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 Man: Sardarji where were u born?
Sardarji: Punjab.
Man: Which part?
Sardar: Oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body is born in punjab".
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IN COURT during a case:
Lawyer to Sardar: Gita pe haath rakhkar kaho ke
Sardar: yeh kya, Sita pe haath lagaya to court me bulaiya.
ab kehte ho gita pe haath rakho.....
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 Sardar: For the past one week a girl is disturbing me.
I don't know how she got my number,
She interrupts whenever I call someone and says "please recharge your card"

True Fact

Happiness is NOT something you find,



It's something you create.






Nothing is this world is IMPOSSIBLE as


the word is "I M POSSIBLE ..."

Must Read : Amazing When You Read it, You Love it !!

MUST Read - MALE / FEMALE Readers,  Amazing  Humour !!!! ( Really You Love it)

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.


The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.
Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!" The woman said, "That's okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me."
So, JAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!


For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you. "
The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."
So, JAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!


The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers:
This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.


Male readers: Please scroll down.
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The man had a heart attack ten times "milder" than his wife!!!
Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!
Forward this to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the ladies who have a good sense :)

Newton's Laws of Ramance

Newton in romantic mood......


Universal law:
"Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money "

First Law:
"a boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy. "
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Second Law:
"the rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the bank balance. "
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Third Law:
" the force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while slapping."

Genelia D'Souza Biography

Genelia D'Souza Biography 2011

Height: 5′ 6½” (1.69 m)

Weight: 50 kg

Age: 26 years old
Date of Birth: 5 August 1987
Place of birth: Bombay, Maharashtra, India
Birth Name: Genelia De Souza
Mother: Jeanette D’Souza
Father: Neil D’Souza
Nickname: Teenage Superstar of Bollywood, Cheenu

She studied at Apostolic Carmel High School in Bandra Mumbai. After Schooling she joined the St.Andrews College,Bandra to pursue a Bachelor's Degree.

She was popular in Tollywood as well as in Bollywood. She has acted in many films in South Indian Cimena.

She has appeared in Telugu and Hindi language films, as well as Tamil and Kannada language films. D’Souza first hit the limelight in a Parker Pen commercial with Amitabh Bachchan.
Her acting debut was in the Hindi movie Tujhe Meri Kasam in 2003, But She get regnition from Tamil film Boys the same year, which was directed by Shankar. In this movie she acted with famous and popular hero Siddhartha.

Genelia has acted so far over a dozen Telugu ,Tamil and Hindi Movies.She acted in the movies like "Satyam" , "Sye", " Happy"," Bommarillu", abd Dhee. In these movies Bommarillu is the biggest hit in Genelia's career. From that movie she was popularly called as Hasini.After that She comes in many movies -

Mere Baap Pehle Aap (2008), Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na (2008),  Life Partner (2009), Chance Pe Dance(2010), Uthama Puthiran(2010), and Orange (2010)

The Most Important Thing in Genelia is - A Smiling Face (100 Watt Smile),
You will find almost all pictures with a Smile (Great Teeth & Good Looking Face - Perfect Photo)

DICTIONARY DECODING - MAN & WOMAN

DICTIONARY DECODING - MAN & WOMAN

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish...............49.
Adventurous..........Slept with everyone.
Athletic.............No breasts.
Average looking......Moooo.
Beautiful............Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure.........On medication.
Feminist.............Fat.
Free spirit..........Junkie.
Friendship first.....Former slut.
New-Age..............Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-fashioned........No BJs.
Open-minded..........Desperate.
Outgoing.............Loud and Embarrassing.
Professional.........Bitch.
Voluptuous...........Very Fat.
Large frame..........Hugely Fat.
Wants Soul mate.........Stalker.

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, doesn't it look like I'm upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit. = I'm gay

Man Discovered What ? What woman Discovered ??

Man Discovered What ? What woman Discovered ??

Man discovered COLORS and invented PAINT;
woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.

Man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION;
woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.

Man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD;
woman discovered FOOD and invented DIET.

Man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE;
woman discovered LOVE and invented LOVE TRIANGLES.

Man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY;
woman discovered MONEY and invented SHOPPING.

Thank U For Being Friend To My Blog

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__***____HEARTBEATS R COUNTLESS____***__

__***_______SPIRITS R AGELESS_______***__

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____***FRIENDS LIKE U R PRICELESS__***___

_____***______thx_4_being _______***_____

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MARRIAGE MATHS

MARRIAGE MATHS

Women who love sex + men who love sex = Loving home with Many children

Men who hate sex + Women who love sex = Broken home with Many Children


Men who love sex + Women who hate sex =Broken home with No Children


Men who hate sex + women who hate sex = Loving home with No children

I Can Do, Can YOU Do ???

I Can Do, Can YOU Do ??? 

Can SEE 'TEA' in A TEA-CUP
Can you SEE the WORLD in WORLD-CUP?

I can SING on Any STAGE
Can you SING in COMA-STAGE?

I can FIX my PASSPORT Size PHOTO in My PASSPORT
Can you FIX Your STAMP Size PHOTO in a STAMP?


I Can SEND My ADDRESS to Your MOBILE
Can You SEND Your MOBILE to my ADDRESS?

TRY ALL THIS........ ....
Atleast DO the LAST ONE Plzz

some facts for u all

Hi frndzz.. some facts for u all ! !


1. Chewing on gum while cutting onions can help a person from stop producing tears. Try it next time you chop onions.
2. Until babies are six months old, they can breathe and swallow at the same time. Indeed convenient!
3. Offered a new pen to write with, 97% of all people will write their own name.
4. Male mosquitoes are vegetarians. Only females bite. Hi All,
5. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
6. Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave.
7.Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

FACTS TO MAKE EVERY Indian PROUD

FACTS TO MAKE EVERY Indian PROUD

Q. Who is the GM of Hewlett Packard (hp) ?
A. Rajiv Gupta


Q. Who is the creator of Pentium chip (needs no introduction as 90% of the today's computers run on it)?
A. Vinod Dahm


Q. Who is the founder and creator of Hotmail (Hotmail is world's No.1 web based email program)?
A. Sabeer Bhatia

Q. Who is the president of AT & T-Bell Labs (AT & T-Bell Labs is the creator of program languages such as C, C++, Unix to name a few)?
A. Arun Netravalli

Q. Who is the MTD (Microsoft Testing Director) of Windows 2000, responsible to iron out all initial problems?
A. Sanjay Tejwrika

Q. Who are the Chief Executives of CitiBank, Mckensey & Stanchart?
A. Victor Menezes, Rajat Gupta, and Rana Talwar.

Q. We Indians are the wealthiest among all ethnic groups in America , even faring better than the whites and the natives.


There are 3.22 millions of Indians in USA (1.5% of population). AND,
38% of doctors in USA are Indians.
12% scientists in USA are Indians.
36% of NASA scientists are Indians.
34% of Microsoft employees are Indians.
28% of IBM employees are Indians.
17% of INTEL scientists are Indians.
13% of XEROX employees are! Indians.

Some of the following facts may be known to you. These facts were published in a German magazine, which deals with WORLD HISTORY
FACTS ABOUT INDIA .
1. India never invaded any country in her last 1000 years of history.
2. India invented the Number system. Zero was invented by Aryabhatta.
3. The world's first University was established in Takshila in 700BC.
More than 10,500 students from all over the world studied more than 60 subjects. The University of Nalanda built in the 4th century BC was one of the greatest achievements of ancient India in the field of education.
4. According to the Forbes magazine, Sanskrit is the most suitable language for computer software.
5. Ayurveda is the earliest school of medicine known to humans.
6. Although western media portray modern images of India as poverty striken and underdeveloped through political corruption, India was once the richest empire on earth.
7. The art of navigation was born in the river Sindh 5000 years ago. The very word "Navigation" is derived from the Sanskrit word NAVGATIH.
8. The value of pi was first calculated by Budhayana, and he explained the concept of what is now k! nown as the Pythagorean Theorem. British scholars have last year (1999) officially published that Budhayan's
works dates to the 6 th Century which is long before the European mathematicians.
9. Algebra, trigonometry and calculus came from India . Quadratic equations were by Sridhara charya in the 11 th Century; the largest numbers the Greeks and the Romans used were 106 whereas Indians used
numbers as big as 1053.
10. According to the Gemmological Institute of America, up until 1896, India was the only source of diamonds to the world.
11. USA based IEEE has proved what has been a century-old suspicion amongst academics that the pioneer of wireless communicat ion was Pr!ofessor Jagdeesh Bose and not Marconi.
12. The earliest reservoir and dam for irrigation was built in Saurashtra.
13. Chess was invented in India
14. Sushruta is the father of surgery. 2600 years ago he and health scientists of his time conducted surgeries like cesareans, cataract, fractures and urinary stones. Usage of anaesthesia was well known in ancient India .
15. When many cultures in t he world were only nomadic forest dwellers over 5000 years ago, Indians established Harappan culture in Sindhu Valley ( Indus Valley Civilisation).
16. The place value system, the decimal system was developed in India in 100 BC.

Quotes about India
We owe a lot to the Indians, who taught us how to count, without which no worthwhile scientific discovery could have been made. Albert Einstein.
India is the cradle of the human race, the birthplace of human speech, the mother of history, the grandmother of legend and the great grand mother of tradition. Mark Twain.
If there is one place on the face of earth where all dreams of living men have found a home from the very earliest days when man began the dream of existence, it is India. French scholar Romain Rolland.
India conquered and dominated China culturally for 20 centuries without ever having to send a single soldier across her border.Hu Shih (former Chinese ambassador to USA )

ALL OF THE ABOVE IS JUST THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG, THE LIST COULD BE ENDLESS.
BUT, if we don't see even a glimpse of that great India in the India that we see today, it clearly means that we are not working up to our potential; and that if we do, we could once again be an evershining and
inspiring country setting a bright path for rest of the world to follow.

FAMILY means?

F A M I L Y Means ???

I ran into a stranger as he passed by,"Oh excuse me please" was my reply.
He said, "Please excuse me too; I wasn't watching for you."
We were very polite, this stranger and I.We went on our way and we said goodbye.

But at home a different story is told, How we treat our loved ones, young and old.
Later that day, cooking the evening meal, My son stood beside me very still.
When I turned, I nearly knocked him down. "Move out of the way," I said with a frown.
He walked away, his little heart broken. I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.
While I lay awake in bed, God's still small voice came to me and said,
"While dealing with a stranger, common courtesy you use, but the family you love, you seem to abuse.
Go and look on the kitchen floor, You'll find some flowers there by the door.

Those are the flowers he brought for you. He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.
He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise, you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes."
By this time, I felt very small, And now my tears began to fall.
I quietly went and knelt by his bed; "Wake up, little one, wake up," I said.
"Are these the flowers you picked for me?" He smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree.
I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue."

I said, "Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today; I shouldn't have yelled at you that way."
He said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay.I love you anyway."

I said, "Son, I love you too, and I do like the flowers, especially the blue."

FAMILY
Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in
a matter of days. But the family we left behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives.
And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than into our own family, an unwise investment indeed, don't you think?
So what is behind the story?

Do you know what the word FAMILY means?

FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER (I) (L)OVE (Y)OU

What a Life !!!

What a Life !!!

When you are in light, Everything will follow you...... But when you enter dark, Even your shadow will not follow you...... This is LIFE !!!

Dalai Lama

Dalai Lama

The Noble  laureate Dalai Lama announced on March 10, 2011 that he would step down as political head of the so-called Tibetan government-in-exile but would remain as religious leader and continue to advocate "meaningful autonomy" for Tibet.