Studious - Too Much Study in Nights

Reall Funny : Studious - Too Much Study in Nights

During work, John and William were chatting...

John: William, I've been taking night courses for 5 months now and I have an exam next week.


William: Oh! John: For example, do you know who is Graham Bell?


William: No John: He's the inventor of the phone in 1876; if you take night courses you would know this. The next day, the same discussion took place:


John: Do you know who is Alexander Dumas? William: No John: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night courses, you would know this. The next day, once again...


John: And do you know who is Jean Jacques Rousseau?


William: No John: He's the author of "Confessions", if you take night courses, you would know this. This time, William got irritated and said: And you, do you know who is George Hunt?

John: No, William: He's the guy sleeping with your wife!! If you stop night courses, you would know this!!

Advice for Free .For Men and For Women ONLY

Advice for Free .For Men and For Women ONLY

Enjoy the guru-mantras…

For Men:

Rule.No.1 - Never compare your mamma’s cooking with your wife’s! There is no faster way to dig your own grave than that! Please understand that your mom’s cooking has the backing of 20 odd years of
experience….don’t expect that from your wife whose hardly into the process! What if she were to compare
your earning capacity with her dad’s!!! So shshshhhhh….!!!

Rule.No.2: Never go out of your way to please the lady with flowers, chocolates and gifts during your
engagement period. If ever you do, please follow it up post-wedding too! When you could cover 20kms in 15 minutes when you are engaged just to spend some time with her, how dare you forget her birthday post -
marriage, even after you are given the broadest of hints by her! Remember expectations always double…
ever heard of them being halved ???

Rule.No.3: Do compliment her every now and then, verbally or with gifts! What are those lovely Teddies
and Archies gift cards for? Don’t sit there like the Lord Of The Rings expecting to be waited upon! Of
course she will do it but everyone likes to be appreciated and pampered!!!!


Rule.No.4: This is very important! Sulking or complaining about marriage being a big mistake is a
strict NO-NO !! You got into it with your eyes wide open, brimming with enthusiasm !! No one ever pushed
you into it! So why this drama now!


Rule.No.5: Be Brave and take your own decisions and stand up by them!! Consult your parents for advice but realize that you are grown up enough to lead your life! Respect your partner’s views at all times!
Remember she has given up a lot more to make a life with you!!

************************* *******

For Women

1. Don’t expect too much from him. Less the expectations lesser the disappointments.
2. Don’t ever dare to plan any outing or movie on a day when there is an interesting match going on.


REMEMBER SPORTS is more important to him than anything else. U spoil his day n He spoils your
life…!

3. Over Emotions, Sentiments… Woha… What are these? Tears are not going to give any results either.
It’s just a temp. attention tht u get. No one likes Cry Babies m Whining Wifes.

4. Never dare to cross with his mother. Even if he says "My Mom’s cooking is the best. U are nothing in
front of her." take it easily with a smile. Tell him tht u are learning from his mother and will try to do
it better. U are not gonna lose anything!

5. Try to know his friends and understand that they are also part of his world. Allow him to spend few
weekends or occasional night out parties with his friends. But at the same time make sure that u get u r
due importance! It must not be that he roams around with his friends forgetting that you exist at home.

6. Don’t start fighting for silly things. Forgetting birthdays and Anniversaries is not a big mistake. Men
are not blessed with infinite and non-volatile RAM for storing everything in main memory. If you are very
particular about present gifts n parties on u r birthdays n anniversaries, make sure u remind them
well in advance by some means (I know it sounds stupid. But if u are so particular, Do it for u r own
good)

7. Take him for your shopping only if he’s interested. If you are going for Window Shopping or for saree
purchase, Better go with your friends/go alone. He is better at office/home watching anything.

8. Give him importance always. Show due care and affection. That’s the only way to win a guy’s mind

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New Humour Shole Basanti Dharmendar Amitabh Mausi in Infosys

New Humour Shole Basanti Dharmendar Amitabh Mausi in Infosys

Basanti ki Shadi , Mausi & Infosys Employee

Amitabh : Mausi ladka "Infosys" mein kaam karta hai…

Mausi : Hai raam…
----
Amitabh : Aajkal allocated bhi hai…
Mausi : To kya kabhi unallocated ( i.e. bench pe) bhi rahta hai????

-----

Amitabh : Ab C rating waalon ka allocation itni asaani se kahaan hota hai mausi …
Mausi : To kya C rating bhi aati hai uski????

--------
Amitabh : Project manager se ladaai karne ke baad A ya uske upar ki rating to nahin na milti hai mausi…

Mausi : To kya ladaaku bhi hai????

-----
Amitabh : Ab onsite jaane ko na mile to ho jaati hai kabhi-kabhi anban …

Mausi : To kya onsite bhi nahin gayaa aaj tak????

------

Amitabh : Ab civil engineers ka Visa itni jaldi kahaan lagta hai mausi…

Mausi : To kya ladka civil engineer hai???? Engineering kaun se college se kiya hai????

-------
Amitabh : Bas uska pataa lagte hi hum aapko khabar kar denge!!!!!

Amitabh : To kya main rishta pakka samjhun mausi ??

Mausi : Bhale hi hamaari Basanti call center waale se shaadi kar le, par Infosys waale se kabhi nahin karegi…

Goood Humour Equations:

Humour Equations:

1. SSC + HSC + BTech + MBA = UNEMPLOYMENT
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2. An Idea + An Idiot = A Dot com.
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3. One Chinese gymnast = India's Gold Medal tally since 1896
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4. Sushmita Sen - 1.2 feet = Salman Khan.
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5. Special Effects in Shampoo ads = Special effects in Jurassic park.
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6. 4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand + Canada = a 4 minute song in Hindi movie.
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7. Ajay Devgan + cosmetic surgery + acting ability + personality + own production company = Kajol
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8. Rona dhona x Bewafai x Badle ki aag = Your mum's favorite serials.
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9. Amitabh Bachchan - Mrityudaata + Kaun Banega Crorepati = A SUPERSTAR.
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10. Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan - Talent = Abhishek Bachchan
--------------------------------
11. Any actor + Any actress + many movies = David Dhawan
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12. 1 smile + 32 teeth = Govinda
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13. 1 person - shirt = Salman Khan
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14. 1 person + straight hair + un-straight walk = Sanjay Dutt
-----------------------
15. 1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol
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16. One engagement + Two weddings + Three wedding songs + Four hundred

Relatives + A house bigger than Buckingham Palace = One sooraj Barjataya Film

17.... This one is the best of all..........

Engineer + No Work = Forward this message :D

Humour Quotes

Humour Quotes

1. A FOOLish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.
2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption : Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY 3. Three FASTEST means of Communication : 1. Tele-Phone 2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.
4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.
 5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman. Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him. Moral : BE SPECIFIC
 6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ? It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your Friends.
 7. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest. They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them. Ant 1 says : we should KILL him. Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone. Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path. Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.
8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life. If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.
9. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE. Answer : On their MARRIAGE.
10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness. Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.
 11. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women. Because per Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.
 12. "A Ship is always safe at the shore - but that is NOT what it is built for" - Albert Einstein

family problem [humour]

family problem [ Time Pass humour]

Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot.


The Indian man said to the American, "You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once." We call this arranged marriage.

I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love... I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems."

The American said, Talking about love marriages... I'll tell you my story.

I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. "After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.

Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother.

More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son i.e. my brother is my grandson.

Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.

And you say you have family problems..

SMUGGLER SARDAR JI

SMUGGLER SARDAR JI

A sardarji comes up to the Pakistan border on his bike. He's got two large bags over his shoulders.
The guard Iqbal stops him and says, 'What's in the bags?' 'Sand,' answered the Sardarji.
-------------------
Iqbal says, 'We'll just see about that. Get off the bike.'
Iqbal's guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains the sardarji all night and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags.
Iqbal releases the sardaji, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the sardarji's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
-----------------
A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbal asks, 'What have you got?'
'Sand,' says the Sardarji.
----
Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to the Sardar, and crosses the border on his bike. This sequence of events is repeated every day for
three years.
------
Finally, the Sardarji doesn't show up one day and the guard, Iqbal, meets him in a 'Dhaba' in Islamabad.

'Hey, Buddy,' says Iqbal, 'I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about...I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?'

The Sardaji, sips his Lassi and says, 'Bikes'

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Funny Interview in a Software Company

Interview in a Software Company : What a Fun

One of the best interviews!!!


Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.
Candidate: I am SAMEER GUPTA. I did my Tele Communication engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.
-----------
Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had never heard of this college before!
Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission into it . What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in 12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said (I prefer to call him 'baap') - "I can not invest so much of money".(The baap actually said - "I will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this college. Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.
----------------------
Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your engineering.
Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.
-----------
Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.
Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think they should ban it.
-----------
Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.
Candidate: No, no... I am talking about Exams!!
-----------
Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?
Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I would complete it. In fact, when i flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus corporation in Maharashtra) through some relative.
-------------------
Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?
Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower' education itself was so much of pain!!

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Good One Liners Joke/Humour/Fun

Good One Liners Joke/Humour/Fun

He is dark and handsome. When it's dark, he's handsome.

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Teaching is the greatest act of optimism.
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If money won't make you happy, you won't like poverty either.
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A somebody was once a nobody who wanted to and did.
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Everyone believes in heredity until their children act like fools
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There is a guaranteed way to get what you want... want less
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In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker
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All men are different, but husbands are all alike
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I am not single, I'm romantically challenged
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On the internet nothing is illegal, its all e-legal
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Make crime pay, become a lawyer.
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We the willing, following the unknowing are doing the impossible. We have
done so much for so long with so little that we are now able to do anything with nothing
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National Debt: When everyone exceeds their charge card limits
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A good listener is usually thinking about something else
--------
Hard work must have killed someone!
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You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it
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I fell in love at first sight... I should have looked twice
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Freedom of speech is wonderful, it's right up there with the freedom not to listen
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All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage
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Integrity is like oxygen - the higher you go, the less there is of it.

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White Hair

White Hair

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.



She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"


Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."


The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Then why are ALL of grandma's hairs white?"

Time Pass Humour & Jones

Time Pass Humour & Jones

Gal: Is dress ka kya price hai?

Shopkeeper: Sirf 5 kiss.
Girl: Aur us dress ka?
Shopkeeper: 10 kiss.
Girl: Dono dress pack kar do, bill dadi dengi.
-----------------
Ganguly’s Son: Yeh Kya, Daddy Sixer pe Sixer maare jaa rahe hain Hain?
Ganguly’s Wife: Arey beta, yeh toh ADVERTISEMENT Hai !
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U luv sumone... u marry sumone else. The one u marry becomes ur wife or husband & the one u loved becomes the password of your emai id...!
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Kudi waale pandit nu: Saanu aheja munda chahida jehra kuj khanda penda na howe.
Pandit: Aheja munda taan PGI Emergency ward ch hi mil sakda hai.
----------------------
Ravan ki 20 aankhein thi magar nazar sirf ek aurat pe;
jab ki aapki 2 aankhein aur nazar har aurat pe...!
Toh asli Ravan kaun??
------------------------
Ab tak meri life ek khuli botal thi, jis mein se sab perfume ki tarah ud jata tha. Par aap ke aane se sab kuch ruk gaya. Bhagwan kare aap jaisa DHAKKAN sabko miley.
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Leave application

Leave application  (Found  Throgh Email Box / Net Surfing)

This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in various places of India...


1. Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows:
Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.


2. This is from Oracle Bangalore: From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son: "as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days."


3. Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."


4. From H.A.L. Administration dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."


5. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"


6. An incident of a leave letter "I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."
7. A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"
8. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."
9. Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."
10. Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."
11. Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".
12. Letter writing: -
"I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."
13. A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.



What is the Third Word : Test Your Knowledge

What is the Third Word : Test Your Knowledge

Think of words ending in "-gry". "Angry" and "hungry" are two of them.



There are only three words in the English language. What is the third word? The word is something that everyone uses every day. If you have read carefully, I have already told you what third word is.


If u already gave up - send this to your friends the answer will pop up on the screen automatically.

OR See Answer through Comment posted by me.

Hardwork and Luck

Hardwork is like the stairs, luck is like a lift ; Lify may fail sometimes but whatever may be the occassion, stairs will always take you to the TOP

Good To Read : May I know the Time, Please

May I know the Time, Please

Young Man: Sir, may I know the time, please?

Old Man: Certainly not.

Young Man: Sir, but why? What are you going to loose, if you tell me the time?
Old Man: Yes, I may loose something if I tell you the time.

Young Man: But Sir, can you tell me how?
Old Man : See, if I tell you the time you will definitely thank me and may be tomorrow again you will
ask me the time.


Young Man: Quite possible.
Old Man: May be we meet two three times more and you will ask my name and address.

Young Man: Quite possible.
Old Man: One day you may come to my house saying you were just passing by and came into wish me.
Then as a courtsey, I will offer you a cup of tea. After my courteous approach you will try to come
again.This time you will appreciate tea and ask who has made it.?

Young Man: Possible
Old Man: Then I will tell you that my daughter has and I will then have to introduce my young and
pretty daughter to you &; you will admire my daughter.

Young Man: Smiles.
Old Man: Now onwards you will try to meet my daughter again and again. You will offer her to go out for a
movie together and a date with you.

Young Man: Smiles
Old Man: My daughter may start liking you and start waiting for you. After meeting regularly you will fall
in love with her and propose her for marriage.

Young Man: Smiles
Old Man: One day both of you will come to me and tell me about your love and ask for my permission.


Young Man: Oh Yes! and smiles
Old Man: (Angrily) - Young man, I will never marry my Daughter to a person like you who does not even own a Watch.

PRAYER OF LITTLE GIRL'S

PRAYER OF LITTLE GIRL'S

A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying
"God bless Mommy,
God bless daddy,
God bless grandma
and good-bye grandpa."
The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"
The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."

The next day grandpa died.
The father thought it was a strange coincidence.

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this:
"God bless Mommy,
God Bless daddy
and good-bye grandma."
The next day the grandmother died.
Oh my gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the otherside.


Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say "God bless Mommy
and good-bye daddy."

He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he
stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.


Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?

"He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning the milkman dropped dead on our porch."

(Only For Humour)

PERFORMANCE , POSITION & ST. PETER

PERFORMANCE , POSITION & ST. PETER

A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans.


Saint Peter addresses him, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you into the Kingdom of Heaven ?"

The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi driver, from New York ."

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver, " Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven ."

Now it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am the Right Reverend Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three ye ars."

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven ."

"Just a minute," says the priest. "That man was a taxi driver. Why does he get a silken robe and golden staff?"

"Results," ; shrugged Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept. When he drove, people prayed."

Moral: It's Performance, Not Position that Counts ....!!

Love & Life

Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruits.



-- Kahlil Gibran

True Fact

Happiness is NOT something you find,



It's something you create.






Nothing is this world is IMPOSSIBLE as


the word is "I M POSSIBLE ..."

Must Read : Amazing When You Read it, You Love it !!

MUST Read - MALE / FEMALE Readers,  Amazing  Humour !!!! ( Really You Love it)

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.


The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.
Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!" The woman said, "That's okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me."
So, JAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!


For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you. "
The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."
So, JAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!


The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers:
This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.


Male readers: Please scroll down.
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The man had a heart attack ten times "milder" than his wife!!!
Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!
Forward this to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the ladies who have a good sense :)