New Humour Shole Basanti Dharmendar Amitabh Mausi in Infosys

New Humour Shole Basanti Dharmendar Amitabh Mausi in Infosys

Basanti ki Shadi , Mausi & Infosys Employee

Amitabh : Mausi ladka "Infosys" mein kaam karta hai…

Mausi : Hai raam…
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Amitabh : Aajkal allocated bhi hai…
Mausi : To kya kabhi unallocated ( i.e. bench pe) bhi rahta hai????

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Amitabh : Ab C rating waalon ka allocation itni asaani se kahaan hota hai mausi …
Mausi : To kya C rating bhi aati hai uski????

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Amitabh : Project manager se ladaai karne ke baad A ya uske upar ki rating to nahin na milti hai mausi…

Mausi : To kya ladaaku bhi hai????

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Amitabh : Ab onsite jaane ko na mile to ho jaati hai kabhi-kabhi anban …

Mausi : To kya onsite bhi nahin gayaa aaj tak????

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Amitabh : Ab civil engineers ka Visa itni jaldi kahaan lagta hai mausi…

Mausi : To kya ladka civil engineer hai???? Engineering kaun se college se kiya hai????

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Amitabh : Bas uska pataa lagte hi hum aapko khabar kar denge!!!!!

Amitabh : To kya main rishta pakka samjhun mausi ??

Mausi : Bhale hi hamaari Basanti call center waale se shaadi kar le, par Infosys waale se kabhi nahin karegi…

Goood Humour Equations:

Humour Equations:

1. SSC + HSC + BTech + MBA = UNEMPLOYMENT
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2. An Idea + An Idiot = A Dot com.
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3. One Chinese gymnast = India's Gold Medal tally since 1896
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4. Sushmita Sen - 1.2 feet = Salman Khan.
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5. Special Effects in Shampoo ads = Special effects in Jurassic park.
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6. 4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand + Canada = a 4 minute song in Hindi movie.
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7. Ajay Devgan + cosmetic surgery + acting ability + personality + own production company = Kajol
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8. Rona dhona x Bewafai x Badle ki aag = Your mum's favorite serials.
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9. Amitabh Bachchan - Mrityudaata + Kaun Banega Crorepati = A SUPERSTAR.
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10. Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan - Talent = Abhishek Bachchan
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11. Any actor + Any actress + many movies = David Dhawan
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12. 1 smile + 32 teeth = Govinda
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13. 1 person - shirt = Salman Khan
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14. 1 person + straight hair + un-straight walk = Sanjay Dutt
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15. 1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol
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16. One engagement + Two weddings + Three wedding songs + Four hundred

Relatives + A house bigger than Buckingham Palace = One sooraj Barjataya Film

17.... This one is the best of all..........

Engineer + No Work = Forward this message :D

Husband Wife Naughty Jokes

Husband Wife Funny Jokes

1. Apni Biwi ko apni 100% kamai dene se 10% Sukh milta hai.
Kisi doosri ko apni kamai ka 10% dene pe 100% sukh milta hai
.... Paisa apka ... Faisla apka .. . Jaago Graahak Jaago !!!
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2. " Funny but true fact !! A woman worries about her future till she gets a husband, A man never worries about his future until he gets a wife !! .. What do u say?
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3. A Man before marriage is - Superman. After Marriage - Gentleman. 5
Years Later - Watchman. 10 Years later - Apne Hi Jaal Mein fasaa hua Spiderman.
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4. Life me hamesha Haste raho,muskrate raho, gaate raho, gungunate
raho... taki tumhe dekh kar hi log samaj jaye k tum... " UNMARRIED" ho.
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5. Wife- agar main kho gayi to tum kya karoge?
Husband - main TV aur newspaper mein Ad dunga ki jaha kahin bhi
ho.....
KHUSH RAHO
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6.Why love marriage is better dan Arranged???? B'coz a "KNOWN DEVIL"
is better dan an "UNKNOWN GHOST".
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7. Wife: main tumhari yaad mein 2O din mein hi aadhi ho gayi hoon, mujhe lene kab aa rahe ho?
HUSBAND: 2O din aur ruk jaao.
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8. A man gave an add in Matrimonial column "PATNI CHAHIYE"
He got 1000 replies all saying:- " Meri Le Ja...!" ''Meri Le Ja...!''
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9. Husband to Hotel Manager: "Jaldi chalo! meri biwi khidki se kud kar jaan dena chahti hai"
 Manager: "What can I do?

Husband"Kamine, khidki nahi khul rahi hai."
----------------
10. Telling a lie is a
fault for a little boy,
an art for a lover,
 an accomplishment for a bachelor and
a Matter of Survival for a married man

संता और बंता (Santa Banta Joke)

संता और बंता (Santa Banta Joke in Hindi)

संता और बंता एक होटल में खाना खाने गये। संता ने आर्डर दिया और बैरे ने उन्हें खाना लाकर दिया। जैसे ही बैरे ने बंता को देखा वह आ6चर्य से बोला - अरे बंताजी आप ।



फिर वह होटल में मौजूद अन्य लोगों से बोला - अरे देखो आज हमारे होटल में बंताजी खाना खाने आये हैं। होटल का मैनेजर भी बंता को देखकर बहुत खु6ा हुआ और उसने बंता से हाथ मिलाया।


-तुम तो काफी मशहूर  हो ।

संता ने खाना खाते खाते बंता के कान में फुसफुसाया। - मैं दुनिया का सबसे प्रसिद्ध आदमी हूं।

बंता ने बताया । - नहीं यार । अब इतने भी मत बनो । ये कुछ लोग तुम्हें जानते हैं इसका मतलब यह नहीं कि तुम दुनिया के सबसे प्रसिद्ध व्यक्ति हो।

संता ने कहा । - हां ये सच है। तुम सिर्फ नाम बताओ । ऐसा कौन है जो मुझे नहीं जानता हो।
बंता ने जवाब दिया। - अच्छा । मैं दस हजार की शर्त लगाता हूं कि मुख्यमंत्री तुम्हें नहीं जानता होगा ।


संता ने कहा । - ठीक है चलो । बंता ने कहा और अगले ही दिन वे राजधानी पहुंच गये। वहां पहुंचने पर संता ने देखा कि मुख्यमंत्री ने बंता को देखते ही पहचान लिया और गले लगाया। फिर दो दिन मुख्यमंत्री के घर मेहमाननवाजी करने के बाद वे घर लौट आये। -
....
मैंने कहा था न कि मैं दुनिया का सबसे प्रसिद्ध आदमी हूं। अब तो मानते हो। - नहीं ।
...
हिन्दुस्तान का प्रधानमंत्री तुम्हें बिलकुल नहीं जानता होगा । अगर वह जानता हो तो मैं दुगने पैसे दूंगा। ....
अगले ही दिन वे दिल्ली में थे।
........
प्रधानमंत्री बड़ी बेतकल्लुफी से बंता से मिले । बोले - -कहां रहते हो बंता यार । तुम्हें देखे हुये तो जमाना बीत गया। फिर तीन दिनों तक प्रधानमंत्री के साथ गोल्फ खेलकर वे घर लौट आये।
----
संता हैरान था पर हार मानने को तैयार नहीं था। - मैं एक एक लाख रूपये देने को तैयार हूं अगर अमिताभ बच्चन तुम्हें पहचान ले तो। - ठीक है । जैसी तुम्हारी मर्जी । अगले दिन वे मुम्बई में अमिताभ बच्चन के घर पहुंचे। बंता ने संता से बाहर लॉन में खड़े रहने को कहा और खुद अंदर चला गया। थोड़ी देर बाद संता ने देखा कि अमिताभ बच्चन और बंता बाहों में बाहें डाले बालकनी में आ रहे हैं। बंता ने संता की ओर देखा और हाथ हिलाया।
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इसके बाद संता बेहोश होकर गिर पड़ा। बंता दौड़कर नीचे आया और पानी के छींटे देकर संता को होश  में लाने की  कोशिश करने लगा। -
.........------
संता, संता तुम्हें क्या हुआ ? उठो। संता ने धीरे से आंखें खोलीं और कहा - बंता तुम सचमुच दुनिया के सबसे प्रसिद्ध आदमी हो। - मैंने तुमसे कहा था न पर तुम ही नहीं मानते थे।
..............
खैर ये बताओ कि जब मैं तुम्हें मुख्यमंत्री के घर ले गया तब तुम बेहो6ा नहीं हुये, प्रधानमंत्री के घर ले गया तब तुम्हें कुछ नहीं हुआ फिर अब ऐसा क्या हुआ कि तुम गिर पड़े।
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संता ने धीरे से बताया - जब तुम ऊपर अमिताभ बच्चन के साथ बालकनी में खड़े थे तो एक आदमी जो मेरे बगल में खड़ा था उसने मुझसे क्या कहा जानते हो ? क्या कहा ?
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- बंता ने पूछा उसने कहा - संता ने बताया - वह कौन है जो बंता जी के साथ ऊपर बालकनी में खड़ा है।

SMUGGLER SARDAR JI

SMUGGLER SARDAR JI

A sardarji comes up to the Pakistan border on his bike. He's got two large bags over his shoulders.
The guard Iqbal stops him and says, 'What's in the bags?' 'Sand,' answered the Sardarji.
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Iqbal says, 'We'll just see about that. Get off the bike.'
Iqbal's guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains the sardarji all night and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags.
Iqbal releases the sardaji, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the sardarji's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
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A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbal asks, 'What have you got?'
'Sand,' says the Sardarji.
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Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to the Sardar, and crosses the border on his bike. This sequence of events is repeated every day for
three years.
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Finally, the Sardarji doesn't show up one day and the guard, Iqbal, meets him in a 'Dhaba' in Islamabad.

'Hey, Buddy,' says Iqbal, 'I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about...I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?'

The Sardaji, sips his Lassi and says, 'Bikes'

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SARDAR JOKES

SARDAR JOKE

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Sardar: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
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Sardar: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Sardar: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'All India Radio! '
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Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Sardar: An old king's skeleton.
Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?
Sardar: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.
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Sardar declares:
.... . . I will never marry in my life &. . .
.. . . I'll give same advice to my children also. . . ..
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A donkey kicked a Sardar & ran away
Sardar ran to catch the donkey.
He saw a zebra & started beating it & said 'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka de raha hai'.
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Santa went to Mysore palace.
Tourist guide - Santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chair
Santa - Oye dont worry yaar i'll get up when he comes.!!..
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Sardar wanted to make a STD call to punjab,
He wanted to save money so what did he do?
Simple, he went to punjab and made a local call..
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One tourist from U.S.A.asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village?
Sardar: No sir, only small babies!!!
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Teacher: A for?
Sardar: Apple
Teacher: Jor se bolo?
Sardar: Jay mata di.
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2 sardars were fighting after exam.
Sir: Y r u fighting?
1st Sardar: This fool left the answer sheet blank,
Sir: So what?
1st Sardar: Even i did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both copied.
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Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts its 1 leg, and says, "chal", it walks.
He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, "chal" , it walks.
He cuts all the legs and said, "chal....." Finally he wrote the conclusion.......
..... "after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes deaf......"
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2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....
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A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating.......
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2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
Sardar 2: Dont worry, I have one more.
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Sardar: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.
Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.
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Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
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Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken..
Sardar: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

Sardar Jokes

Sardar Jokes  

Interviewer: what is your birth date?
 Sardar: 13th October
Which year?
Sardar : Oye ullu ke pathe _ _ _ EVERY YEAR
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Manager asked to sardar at an interview Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.
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Teacher to Sardar: Write your best friend's name in English.
Sardar wrote: ' Beautiful Red Underware'
Teacher: What? Sardar: His name is Sundar Lal Chadda
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After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife, Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?
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 One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village???
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!
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Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
So Sardar writes, "Gandi was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanthi.
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Sardar was doing experiment with cockroach, first he cut it's one leg and told WALK. WALK.
Cockroach walked.
Then he cut it's second leg and told the same.
Cockroach walked.
Then cut the third leg and did the same.
At last he cut it's fourth leg and ordered it walk!
But cockroach didn't walk. Suddenly sardar said loudly, "I found it. If we cut cockroach's four legs, it becomes deaf.
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When sarda r was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver adjusted mirror.
Sardar shouted, "You are trying to see my wife? Sit back. I will drive.
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Sardar went in a hotel. To wash hands he went to the washbasin. There he started washing the basin.
Seeing this, the manager asked what was he doing.
 Sardar pointed towards the board "WASH BASIN"
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Interviewer: just imagine your in 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape?
Sardar : its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!
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A sardar invested 2 Lakhs in a business and Suffered huge Loss.
Do u know what the business was? . . . .. . . . . .. . .
He opened a Saloon in Punjab!
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A Sardarji photographer is focusing a dead body's face in a funeral function, suddenly all dead persons relatives beat him.
why?
He said "SMILE PLEASE"
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Sardarji gets ready, wears tie, coat, goes out, climbs tree, and sits on the branch regularly.
 A man asks why he does this.
Sardarji: "I've been promoted as branch manager."
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Why is a Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open mouth..............
... Because his doctor advised him "Today's dinner should be light"
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One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college.
U know Why?
 Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...
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Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It's already raining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.
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Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever - What will come first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.
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 Postman: - I Have To Come 5 Miles to Deliver U This Packet
Sardar: - Why did u come so far.
 Instead u could have posted it....
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Sardar's wish: when i die, i wana die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all d passengers in d bus he was driving..
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A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the morning.
Sardarji replied ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.
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 Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
The Chinese friend just says "CHIN YU YAN" and dies.
Sardarji goes 2 china 2 find meaning of friends last words. It is 'U R STANDNG ON the OXGN TUBE!"
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Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
His wife asked what you are doing.
 He said-I am seeing how I look while sleeping.
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Why did Sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it?
Guess what...---To avoid side effect!!!
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 Man: Sardarji where were u born?
Sardarji: Punjab.
Man: Which part?
Sardar: Oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body is born in punjab".
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IN COURT during a case:
Lawyer to Sardar: Gita pe haath rakhkar kaho ke
Sardar: yeh kya, Sita pe haath lagaya to court me bulaiya.
ab kehte ho gita pe haath rakho.....
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 Sardar: For the past one week a girl is disturbing me.
I don't know how she got my number,
She interrupts whenever I call someone and says "please recharge your card"

Jeetao Preeto Santa Banta And Sardarji Jokes

Jeetao Preeto Santa Banta And Sardarji Jokes

Sardar: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.
Jeeto: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml now it's 1.5 ltr.

************ ********* ********* ***

On Jeeto's bday Sardar had no money,

so he sent a cheque of 100 kisses.

When he returns home Jeeto said:

Thanks I got cheque cashed from bank manager.


************ ********* ********* ****
Teacher: make a sentence in which 1 word repeated 4 times
Sardar: lara dutta marries brian lara and she becomes lara lara
************ ********* ********* *****
Teacher: is line ki english banao, usne apna kaam kiya or karta hi gya.
Santa: He done his work and done dana dan done dana dan....
************ ********* ********* ****
Santa went to mysore palace.
Tourist guide - santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chair
Santa - oye dont worry yaar i'll get up when he comes.!!..

************ ********* ********* *****
Sardar wanted to make a STD. call to punjab,
He wanted to save money so what did he do?
Simple, he went to punjab and made a local call.


************ ********* ********* ***
A Sardar enters shop shouts,
Where is my free gift with this oil?
Shopkeeper: Iske Saath koi gift nahin hai bhai saab !!
Sardar : Oye ispe likha hai CHOLESTROL FREE.


************ ********* ********* *****

SARDAR JOKE

SARDAR JOKE

Air hostess: Aap 1 gante me 4bar toilet gaye! R U OK? Kya aap ko chein nahi hai? SARDAR: 'Chain' hai par khulti nahi hai!!!


Sardar on phone "Doctor my wife is pergnant.She is having pain right now".
Doctor: Is this her first child?
Sardar: No this is her husband speaking............


Sardars looking at Egyptian mummy.Sardar1:Look so many bandages, pakka truck accident case. Sardar2: Aaho, truck nambar bhi likha hai. BC-1760!!

Sardar: Will u merry , after i die .
Wife : No i wiil live with my sister.
Wife : Will u marry , after i die .
Sardar: No i will also live with ur sister.


How do you make a Sardar laugh on "Saturday"?
Tell him "a joke on Tuesday....!!!!

Sardarji is filling up a job application...........................
He promptly fills in the lines on Name, Age, Addr,& etc.
Then came the column Salary Expected.....................
After much thought he writes: Yes.............................

A Sardar saw a Beautiful Girl,he Went and Kissed her.
Girl: "STUPID what r u doing?"
Sardar: B.Com final year"

A sardarji photographer is focusing a dead body's face in a funeral function,
suddenly all dead persons relatives beat him. why? He said "SMILE PLEASE"


Teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"


Ek sardar exame dene gaya to apnay saath palumber ko saath le kar gaya.
guess karo kyun le kar gaya?
aray yaar simple hai us ko yeh news mili thi k paper leak ho gaya. ha ha ha ha ha ha.


Aik Sardar Apnae Marriage Certificate ku 1 hour sae Dekh raha tha.
Begam Ai Booli, Tusi inni Dair Say Kia Dekh Rahe Hu?
Sardar Bola, Expiry Date Dekh raha hoon......

Sardar Jokes (Santa Banta)

Sardarji ke Jokes

Sardar : I hav'nt slept all nite in the train.
Friend : why?
Sardar : Got upper berth.
Friend : why didn't you exchange?
Sardar : Oye, there was nobody to exchange in the lower berth..
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Teacher lecturing on population:
In India after Every 10 sec a women gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up and says: we must find and stop her !!
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Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected"
After much thought he wrote : Yes
------------------------- -------------------
Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave him 11 cr after deducting tax.
Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.!
------------------------- ------------------------- -----
Sardar proposed a Girl
. . .
Girl said 'I'm 1 year elder to you'
. . .
Sardar said 'Oye No Problem Soniye, I'll marry you NEXT YEAR
------------------------- ------------------
Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
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A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the morning.
Sardarji replied ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''
Note: Manmohan Singh is the Prime Minister (PM) of INDIA
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Urine Test
Two sardarjis were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like anything.
So the other asked, "Why are you crying?"
The first one replied, "I came here for blood test"
Second one asked, "So? Are you afraid?"
First one replied, "No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger"
Hearing this the second one started crying. The first one was astonished and asked other, "Why are you crying?"
The other replied, "I have come for my urine test."
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One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in UK.
A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing"
Sardar answered '" No I am Banta Singh"
Another Guy Came and asked the same Question.
Sardar answered " No No Me ! Banta Singh"
Third one came and asked the same question, Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to
shift his place.
While walking he saw another Sardar enjoying the Beach.
He went and asked him " Are you Relaxing?". The other Sardar was much educated and answered "Yes I am relaxing.
The Sardar slapped him on his face and said "Idiot, they are all searching for you and you are sitting here"