New Humour Shole Basanti Dharmendar Amitabh Mausi in Infosys

New Humour Shole Basanti Dharmendar Amitabh Mausi in Infosys

Basanti ki Shadi , Mausi & Infosys Employee

Amitabh : Mausi ladka "Infosys" mein kaam karta hai…

Mausi : Hai raam…
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Amitabh : Aajkal allocated bhi hai…
Mausi : To kya kabhi unallocated ( i.e. bench pe) bhi rahta hai????

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Amitabh : Ab C rating waalon ka allocation itni asaani se kahaan hota hai mausi …
Mausi : To kya C rating bhi aati hai uski????

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Amitabh : Project manager se ladaai karne ke baad A ya uske upar ki rating to nahin na milti hai mausi…

Mausi : To kya ladaaku bhi hai????

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Amitabh : Ab onsite jaane ko na mile to ho jaati hai kabhi-kabhi anban …

Mausi : To kya onsite bhi nahin gayaa aaj tak????

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Amitabh : Ab civil engineers ka Visa itni jaldi kahaan lagta hai mausi…

Mausi : To kya ladka civil engineer hai???? Engineering kaun se college se kiya hai????

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Amitabh : Bas uska pataa lagte hi hum aapko khabar kar denge!!!!!

Amitabh : To kya main rishta pakka samjhun mausi ??

Mausi : Bhale hi hamaari Basanti call center waale se shaadi kar le, par Infosys waale se kabhi nahin karegi…

Goood Humour Equations:

Humour Equations:

1. SSC + HSC + BTech + MBA = UNEMPLOYMENT
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2. An Idea + An Idiot = A Dot com.
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3. One Chinese gymnast = India's Gold Medal tally since 1896
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4. Sushmita Sen - 1.2 feet = Salman Khan.
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5. Special Effects in Shampoo ads = Special effects in Jurassic park.
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6. 4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand + Canada = a 4 minute song in Hindi movie.
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7. Ajay Devgan + cosmetic surgery + acting ability + personality + own production company = Kajol
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8. Rona dhona x Bewafai x Badle ki aag = Your mum's favorite serials.
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9. Amitabh Bachchan - Mrityudaata + Kaun Banega Crorepati = A SUPERSTAR.
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10. Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan - Talent = Abhishek Bachchan
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11. Any actor + Any actress + many movies = David Dhawan
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12. 1 smile + 32 teeth = Govinda
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13. 1 person - shirt = Salman Khan
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14. 1 person + straight hair + un-straight walk = Sanjay Dutt
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15. 1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol
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16. One engagement + Two weddings + Three wedding songs + Four hundred

Relatives + A house bigger than Buckingham Palace = One sooraj Barjataya Film

17.... This one is the best of all..........

Engineer + No Work = Forward this message :D

Husband Wife Naughty Jokes

Husband Wife Funny Jokes

1. Apni Biwi ko apni 100% kamai dene se 10% Sukh milta hai.
Kisi doosri ko apni kamai ka 10% dene pe 100% sukh milta hai
.... Paisa apka ... Faisla apka .. . Jaago Graahak Jaago !!!
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2. " Funny but true fact !! A woman worries about her future till she gets a husband, A man never worries about his future until he gets a wife !! .. What do u say?
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3. A Man before marriage is - Superman. After Marriage - Gentleman. 5
Years Later - Watchman. 10 Years later - Apne Hi Jaal Mein fasaa hua Spiderman.
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4. Life me hamesha Haste raho,muskrate raho, gaate raho, gungunate
raho... taki tumhe dekh kar hi log samaj jaye k tum... " UNMARRIED" ho.
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5. Wife- agar main kho gayi to tum kya karoge?
Husband - main TV aur newspaper mein Ad dunga ki jaha kahin bhi
ho.....
KHUSH RAHO
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6.Why love marriage is better dan Arranged???? B'coz a "KNOWN DEVIL"
is better dan an "UNKNOWN GHOST".
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7. Wife: main tumhari yaad mein 2O din mein hi aadhi ho gayi hoon, mujhe lene kab aa rahe ho?
HUSBAND: 2O din aur ruk jaao.
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8. A man gave an add in Matrimonial column "PATNI CHAHIYE"
He got 1000 replies all saying:- " Meri Le Ja...!" ''Meri Le Ja...!''
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9. Husband to Hotel Manager: "Jaldi chalo! meri biwi khidki se kud kar jaan dena chahti hai"
 Manager: "What can I do?

Husband"Kamine, khidki nahi khul rahi hai."
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10. Telling a lie is a
fault for a little boy,
an art for a lover,
 an accomplishment for a bachelor and
a Matter of Survival for a married man

संता और बंता (Santa Banta Joke)

संता और बंता (Santa Banta Joke in Hindi)

संता और बंता एक होटल में खाना खाने गये। संता ने आर्डर दिया और बैरे ने उन्हें खाना लाकर दिया। जैसे ही बैरे ने बंता को देखा वह आ6चर्य से बोला - अरे बंताजी आप ।



फिर वह होटल में मौजूद अन्य लोगों से बोला - अरे देखो आज हमारे होटल में बंताजी खाना खाने आये हैं। होटल का मैनेजर भी बंता को देखकर बहुत खु6ा हुआ और उसने बंता से हाथ मिलाया।


-तुम तो काफी मशहूर  हो ।

संता ने खाना खाते खाते बंता के कान में फुसफुसाया। - मैं दुनिया का सबसे प्रसिद्ध आदमी हूं।

बंता ने बताया । - नहीं यार । अब इतने भी मत बनो । ये कुछ लोग तुम्हें जानते हैं इसका मतलब यह नहीं कि तुम दुनिया के सबसे प्रसिद्ध व्यक्ति हो।

संता ने कहा । - हां ये सच है। तुम सिर्फ नाम बताओ । ऐसा कौन है जो मुझे नहीं जानता हो।
बंता ने जवाब दिया। - अच्छा । मैं दस हजार की शर्त लगाता हूं कि मुख्यमंत्री तुम्हें नहीं जानता होगा ।


संता ने कहा । - ठीक है चलो । बंता ने कहा और अगले ही दिन वे राजधानी पहुंच गये। वहां पहुंचने पर संता ने देखा कि मुख्यमंत्री ने बंता को देखते ही पहचान लिया और गले लगाया। फिर दो दिन मुख्यमंत्री के घर मेहमाननवाजी करने के बाद वे घर लौट आये। -
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मैंने कहा था न कि मैं दुनिया का सबसे प्रसिद्ध आदमी हूं। अब तो मानते हो। - नहीं ।
...
हिन्दुस्तान का प्रधानमंत्री तुम्हें बिलकुल नहीं जानता होगा । अगर वह जानता हो तो मैं दुगने पैसे दूंगा। ....
अगले ही दिन वे दिल्ली में थे।
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प्रधानमंत्री बड़ी बेतकल्लुफी से बंता से मिले । बोले - -कहां रहते हो बंता यार । तुम्हें देखे हुये तो जमाना बीत गया। फिर तीन दिनों तक प्रधानमंत्री के साथ गोल्फ खेलकर वे घर लौट आये।
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संता हैरान था पर हार मानने को तैयार नहीं था। - मैं एक एक लाख रूपये देने को तैयार हूं अगर अमिताभ बच्चन तुम्हें पहचान ले तो। - ठीक है । जैसी तुम्हारी मर्जी । अगले दिन वे मुम्बई में अमिताभ बच्चन के घर पहुंचे। बंता ने संता से बाहर लॉन में खड़े रहने को कहा और खुद अंदर चला गया। थोड़ी देर बाद संता ने देखा कि अमिताभ बच्चन और बंता बाहों में बाहें डाले बालकनी में आ रहे हैं। बंता ने संता की ओर देखा और हाथ हिलाया।
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इसके बाद संता बेहोश होकर गिर पड़ा। बंता दौड़कर नीचे आया और पानी के छींटे देकर संता को होश  में लाने की  कोशिश करने लगा। -
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संता, संता तुम्हें क्या हुआ ? उठो। संता ने धीरे से आंखें खोलीं और कहा - बंता तुम सचमुच दुनिया के सबसे प्रसिद्ध आदमी हो। - मैंने तुमसे कहा था न पर तुम ही नहीं मानते थे।
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खैर ये बताओ कि जब मैं तुम्हें मुख्यमंत्री के घर ले गया तब तुम बेहो6ा नहीं हुये, प्रधानमंत्री के घर ले गया तब तुम्हें कुछ नहीं हुआ फिर अब ऐसा क्या हुआ कि तुम गिर पड़े।
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संता ने धीरे से बताया - जब तुम ऊपर अमिताभ बच्चन के साथ बालकनी में खड़े थे तो एक आदमी जो मेरे बगल में खड़ा था उसने मुझसे क्या कहा जानते हो ? क्या कहा ?
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- बंता ने पूछा उसने कहा - संता ने बताया - वह कौन है जो बंता जी के साथ ऊपर बालकनी में खड़ा है।

Must Read : Amazing When You Read it, You Love it !!

MUST Read - MALE / FEMALE Readers,  Amazing  Humour !!!! ( Really You Love it)

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.


The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.
Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!" The woman said, "That's okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me."
So, JAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!


For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you. "
The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."
So, JAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!


The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers:
This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.


Male readers: Please scroll down.
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The man had a heart attack ten times "milder" than his wife!!!
Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!
Forward this to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the ladies who have a good sense :)

Must Read : Amazing Replies By Herry to his Teacher (Principal Surprised)

Must Read : Amazing Replies By Herry to his Teacher (Principal Surprised with Awesome Reply By Herry)

A first standard teacher was having trouble with one of her students.

The teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first standard. My sister is in the third standard and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third standard too!"
The teacher had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.

The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first standard and behave.


The teacher agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agrees to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9".

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third standard should know.
The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the third standard."

The teacher says to the principal, "Hold on, let me ask him some questions"
The principal and Harry both agree.


The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Harry, "Legs."


Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal starts sweating.
Harry "Pockets." Now no reactions or special face symbols dot Harry's face. He remains absolutely cool!


Teacher: What starts with a C & ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Harry: Coconut


The principal's eyes open really wide, Harry was taking charge.
Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
Harry: Bubblegum

Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog on three legs?
Harry: Shake hands


Teacher: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, answer me.
Harry (unfazed): Shoot.

Teacher: You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Harry: tent


Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.
Principal gets restless and a bit tensed.
Harry: wedding ring


Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Harry: nose

Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Harry: arrow
The principal breathing a sigh of relief shouted at the teacher,
"Put Harry in the 5th standard, I missed the last ten questions myself."

Good Humour - Aishwarya Roy,Manmohan Singh, Asif Jardari, Sonia Gandhi in Tunnel !! Enjoy

Humour : Aishwarya Roy,Manmohan Singh, Asif Jardari, Sonia Gandhi in Tunnel

This joke has been making rounds for quite a few years now….names of the celebrities keep changing though…Gud one… Enjoy...!!



Politics In Tunnel

Manmohan Singh, Asif Zardari, Aishwarya Rai and Sonia Gandhi were traveling in a train. The train suddenly goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark.

Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. Sonia and Manmohan are sitting there looking perplexed. Zardari is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.


Sonia is thinking: "This guy (Zardari) is all crazy after Aishwarya. Zardari must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him".

Aishwarya is thinking: "Zardari must have moved to kiss me, and kissed Sonia instead and got slapped." Zardari is thinking: "Damn it! Manmohan must have tried to kiss Aishwarya, she thought it was me and slapped me."


Manmohan Singh is thinking: "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap Zardari again."

Singh is King! Singh is King!! Singh is King!!!

Award Wining Joke in Britain(UK)

Award Wining Joke - England

This particular joke won the award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain and it was sent by an Indian...



Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep.


Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.


"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."


Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."


"What does that tell you?"


Watson ponders for a minute.


"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.


Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.


Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.


Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.


Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"


Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks.


"Someone has stolen our tent".


What it brings out is how we tend to complicate issues and then miss the most obvious things. Too much knowledge is no help


unless we have the wisdom to guide it to an effective conclusion.
 
Link to Buy / Purchase Joke Books -
Cheer Up Britain: The Best British Jokes & Cartoons Of The Past 25 Years ,

A National Joke: Popular Comedy and English Cultural Identities