Husband Wife Naughty Jokes

Husband Wife Funny Jokes

1. Apni Biwi ko apni 100% kamai dene se 10% Sukh milta hai.
Kisi doosri ko apni kamai ka 10% dene pe 100% sukh milta hai
.... Paisa apka ... Faisla apka .. . Jaago Graahak Jaago !!!
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2. " Funny but true fact !! A woman worries about her future till she gets a husband, A man never worries about his future until he gets a wife !! .. What do u say?
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3. A Man before marriage is - Superman. After Marriage - Gentleman. 5
Years Later - Watchman. 10 Years later - Apne Hi Jaal Mein fasaa hua Spiderman.
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4. Life me hamesha Haste raho,muskrate raho, gaate raho, gungunate
raho... taki tumhe dekh kar hi log samaj jaye k tum... " UNMARRIED" ho.
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5. Wife- agar main kho gayi to tum kya karoge?
Husband - main TV aur newspaper mein Ad dunga ki jaha kahin bhi
ho.....
KHUSH RAHO
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6.Why love marriage is better dan Arranged???? B'coz a "KNOWN DEVIL"
is better dan an "UNKNOWN GHOST".
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7. Wife: main tumhari yaad mein 2O din mein hi aadhi ho gayi hoon, mujhe lene kab aa rahe ho?
HUSBAND: 2O din aur ruk jaao.
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8. A man gave an add in Matrimonial column "PATNI CHAHIYE"
He got 1000 replies all saying:- " Meri Le Ja...!" ''Meri Le Ja...!''
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9. Husband to Hotel Manager: "Jaldi chalo! meri biwi khidki se kud kar jaan dena chahti hai"
 Manager: "What can I do?

Husband"Kamine, khidki nahi khul rahi hai."
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10. Telling a lie is a
fault for a little boy,
an art for a lover,
 an accomplishment for a bachelor and
a Matter of Survival for a married man

संता और बंता (Santa Banta Joke)

संता और बंता (Santa Banta Joke in Hindi)

संता और बंता एक होटल में खाना खाने गये। संता ने आर्डर दिया और बैरे ने उन्हें खाना लाकर दिया। जैसे ही बैरे ने बंता को देखा वह आ6चर्य से बोला - अरे बंताजी आप ।



फिर वह होटल में मौजूद अन्य लोगों से बोला - अरे देखो आज हमारे होटल में बंताजी खाना खाने आये हैं। होटल का मैनेजर भी बंता को देखकर बहुत खु6ा हुआ और उसने बंता से हाथ मिलाया।


-तुम तो काफी मशहूर  हो ।

संता ने खाना खाते खाते बंता के कान में फुसफुसाया। - मैं दुनिया का सबसे प्रसिद्ध आदमी हूं।

बंता ने बताया । - नहीं यार । अब इतने भी मत बनो । ये कुछ लोग तुम्हें जानते हैं इसका मतलब यह नहीं कि तुम दुनिया के सबसे प्रसिद्ध व्यक्ति हो।

संता ने कहा । - हां ये सच है। तुम सिर्फ नाम बताओ । ऐसा कौन है जो मुझे नहीं जानता हो।
बंता ने जवाब दिया। - अच्छा । मैं दस हजार की शर्त लगाता हूं कि मुख्यमंत्री तुम्हें नहीं जानता होगा ।


संता ने कहा । - ठीक है चलो । बंता ने कहा और अगले ही दिन वे राजधानी पहुंच गये। वहां पहुंचने पर संता ने देखा कि मुख्यमंत्री ने बंता को देखते ही पहचान लिया और गले लगाया। फिर दो दिन मुख्यमंत्री के घर मेहमाननवाजी करने के बाद वे घर लौट आये। -
....
मैंने कहा था न कि मैं दुनिया का सबसे प्रसिद्ध आदमी हूं। अब तो मानते हो। - नहीं ।
...
हिन्दुस्तान का प्रधानमंत्री तुम्हें बिलकुल नहीं जानता होगा । अगर वह जानता हो तो मैं दुगने पैसे दूंगा। ....
अगले ही दिन वे दिल्ली में थे।
........
प्रधानमंत्री बड़ी बेतकल्लुफी से बंता से मिले । बोले - -कहां रहते हो बंता यार । तुम्हें देखे हुये तो जमाना बीत गया। फिर तीन दिनों तक प्रधानमंत्री के साथ गोल्फ खेलकर वे घर लौट आये।
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संता हैरान था पर हार मानने को तैयार नहीं था। - मैं एक एक लाख रूपये देने को तैयार हूं अगर अमिताभ बच्चन तुम्हें पहचान ले तो। - ठीक है । जैसी तुम्हारी मर्जी । अगले दिन वे मुम्बई में अमिताभ बच्चन के घर पहुंचे। बंता ने संता से बाहर लॉन में खड़े रहने को कहा और खुद अंदर चला गया। थोड़ी देर बाद संता ने देखा कि अमिताभ बच्चन और बंता बाहों में बाहें डाले बालकनी में आ रहे हैं। बंता ने संता की ओर देखा और हाथ हिलाया।
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इसके बाद संता बेहोश होकर गिर पड़ा। बंता दौड़कर नीचे आया और पानी के छींटे देकर संता को होश  में लाने की  कोशिश करने लगा। -
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संता, संता तुम्हें क्या हुआ ? उठो। संता ने धीरे से आंखें खोलीं और कहा - बंता तुम सचमुच दुनिया के सबसे प्रसिद्ध आदमी हो। - मैंने तुमसे कहा था न पर तुम ही नहीं मानते थे।
..............
खैर ये बताओ कि जब मैं तुम्हें मुख्यमंत्री के घर ले गया तब तुम बेहो6ा नहीं हुये, प्रधानमंत्री के घर ले गया तब तुम्हें कुछ नहीं हुआ फिर अब ऐसा क्या हुआ कि तुम गिर पड़े।
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संता ने धीरे से बताया - जब तुम ऊपर अमिताभ बच्चन के साथ बालकनी में खड़े थे तो एक आदमी जो मेरे बगल में खड़ा था उसने मुझसे क्या कहा जानते हो ? क्या कहा ?
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- बंता ने पूछा उसने कहा - संता ने बताया - वह कौन है जो बंता जी के साथ ऊपर बालकनी में खड़ा है।

60 Minutes Power Cut in India - Earth Power (WWF)

On 26th March at late neight (8.30 to 9.30 PM) Power cut in India 50 Cities ( Delhi, Mumbai, Pune, Ahmedabad, bangalore, Chennai, Kolkata etc. -  50 Cities) to support a movement by WWF for awareness towards Climate Change

Many of people surprise power-cut on 26th march 2011 at 8.30 to 9.30 PM in 50 cities which was actually a support/awareness towards WWF movement for Climate Change.

In India, the Earth Hour 2011 was held on 26 March 2011 from 8.30 PM to 9.30 PM IST, the Earth Hour 2011 was flagged off by the Delhi Chief Minister Smt.Sheila Dixit and Earth Hour 2011 Ambassador and Bollywood Heroine Vidya Balan in the presence of Mr.Jim Leape, Director General, WWF International.

And now it start in India every year(Observed in March end) , It can be helpful for power saving and awareness towards climate change & can bring light for others.

It was started in 2007 from Sydney (Australia) and now 6000 cities ( of 131 counries ) supporting this movement.
YouTube promoted the Earth Hour by changing its logo, and by adding a switch on/off feature near the title of each video, so that users can change the background color from white to black.




See - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earth_Hour , http://www.earthhour.org/Homepage.aspx

Indian hold the largest stock of gold in the world - 18000 Tonnes

India's a key driver of global gold demand Holds (Indians hold 18000 Tonnes of Gold)

(Again Become Sone kee Chidia)

According to World Gold Council - Indian households hold 18000 tonnes of gold (Indian hold the largest stock of gold in the world )

In gold terms, India is a market with significant scale. In 2010, total annual consumer demand reached 963.1 tonnes. As seen in the last decade, Indian demand for gold will be driven by savings and real income levels, not by price.

Ajay Mitra, Managing Director, India and the Middle East, World Gold Council, said: "The rise of India as an economic power will continue to have gold at its heart. India already occupies a unique position in the world gold market and, as private wealth in India surges over the next ten years, so will Indian demand for gold".

At more than 18,000 tonnes, Indian households hold the largest stock of gold in the world.


* Gold purchases in India accounted for 32% of the global total in 2010
* The CMIE forecasts that India's annual real GDP will grow at over 10% from 2010-15, before slowing to an average rate of around 8.4% until 2020
* The vast majority of the Indian population (70%) live in villages, which have traditionally formed the source of more than two thirds of Indian gold demand
* This sector has been growing at less than 1% per annum.

For  Details news see - http://www.commodityonline.com/news/Indian-households-hold-18000-tonnes-of-gold-37849-3-1.html

Narayan-Murthy-Son-Wedding-With-LAxhmi-Venu-Daughter-TVS Motors-Chairman

Good Humour , Entertainment, Jokes http://7joke.blogspot.com/ /Updated Sarkari Naukri http://sarkari-damad.blogspot.com / Updated Admission Notice India http://admission-query.blogspot.com
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Rohan Murthy (Son of N.R. Narayan Murthy) Married with Lakshmi Venu  (Daughter of Mr Venu Srinivasan , TVS Motors Chairman)

The wedding of Ms Lakshmi Venu — daughter of Mr Venu Srinivasan (TVS Motors Chairman) and Ms Mallika Srinivasan (Chairperson of TAFE) — with Mr Rohan Murthy, son of Chief Mentor and Founder of Infosys, Mr N.R. Narayana Murthy, and Ms Sudha Murthy, took place today (On 5th June 2011,Sunday)

Lakshmi Veny currenly holding post - Vice-President, Global Business Development and Strategy, Sundaram Clayton Ltd, which is a part of the TVS group. And Mr Rohan Murthy is a Microsoft Fellow, pursuing a Ph.D. in Computer Science from Harvard University,USA

Venue in Radhakrishnan Salai and the media was kept aside from ceremony
Carnatic vocalists Sudha Raghunathan and Soumya presented devotional songs.

Many VIPs present, Some are -BJP leader, Mr L.K Advani; Mr Anand Sharma, Minister of Commerce; Mr Montek Singh Ahluwalia, Deputy Chairman of the Planning Commission; Mr Vikram Kirloskar, Vice-Chairman Toyota Kirloskar Motor; Ms Kiran Mazumdar Shaw, Chairman and Managing Director of Biocon and Captain Gopinath, founder of Air Deccan,Union Ministers P Chidambaram, Kamal Nath, Anand Sharma and G K Vasan

IK BAAT KAHOO???

IK BAAT KAHOO???

Bay Baat Bigartey Rehtey Ho,
Bay Chain Hamesha Rehtey Ho,
Yeh sab Nishani ISHQ Ki Hai,
Kiya ISHQ Kise Say Kerte Ho?

Kiyoon Ratoon Ko Jagtey Rehtey Ho?
Aur Tarey Bhi Tum Gintey Ho,
Yeh sab Nishani ISHQ Ke Hai,
Kiya ISHQ Kise say Kertey Ho?


Zikar Jo Mera Chalta Hai,
Chehrey ka Rang Badalta Hai,
Bay chain say Tum Ho Jatey Ho,
Kiya ISHQ "MUJH" Hi Say Kertey Ho ?

Quotes

Quotes

One's best success comes after their greatest disappointments."

-- Henry Ward Beecher
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"Repetition does not transform a lie into a truth."
-- Franklin D. Roosevelt
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If standard of living is your major objective, quality of life almost never improves, but if quality of life is your number one objective, your standard of living almost always improves.
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"Always do right - this will gratify some and astonish the rest." Mark Twain
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"Your reputation is in the hands of others. That's what a reputation is. You can't control that. The only thing you can control is your character."Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
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"Nothing great has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe something inside them was superior to circumstances."
--Bruce Barton
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"Of all the properties which belong to honorable men, not one is so highly prized as that of character."
-  Henry Clay
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"Circumstances do not make a man, they reveal him." Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
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"Die when I may, I want it said by those who knew me best that I always plucked a thistle and planted a flower where I thought a flower would grow." Abraham Lincoln
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"Judge of your natural character by what you do in your dreams." Ralph Waldo Emerson
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"There is nothing in which people more betray their character than in what they laugh at." Goethe
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"It's really a wonder that I haven't dropped all my ideals, because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out. Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart." Anne Frank
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"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved." Helen Keller
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"Who you are speaks so loudly I can't hear what you're saying." Ralph Waldo Emerson
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That which does not kill me, makes me stronger." A SEAL Team saying,
- By Frederick Nietzsche.

BEAUTIFUL LUV STORY TO SHARE WITH EVERYONE

BEAUTIFUL LUV STORY TO SHARE WITH EVERYONE

There was once this guy who is very much in love with his girl. This romantic guy folded 1,000 pieces of paper cranes as a gift to his girl.

Although, at that time he was just a small fry in his company, his future didn't seem too bright, they were very happy together. Until one day, his girl told him she was going to Paris and will never come back. She also told him that she cannot visualize any future for the both of them, so they went their own ways there and then...

Heartbroken, the guy agreed. But when he regained his confidence, he worked hard day and night, slogging his body and mind just to make something out of himself.

Finally with all the hard work and the help of friends, this guy had set up his own company .

You never fail until you stop trying. One rainy day, while this guy was driving, he saw an elderly couple sharing an umbrella in the rain walk ing to some destination. Even with the umbrella, they were still
drenched. It didn't take him long to realize they were his girl's parents.

With a heart in getting back at them, he drove slowly beside the couple, wanting them to spot him in his luxury sedan. He wanted them  to know that he wasn't the same any more; he had his own company, car,
condo, etc. He made it! What he saw next confused him, the couple was walking towards a cemetery, and so he got out of his car and followed...and he saw his girl, a photograph of her smiling sweetly as
ever at him from her tombstone and he saw his paper cranes right beside her...

Her parents saw him. He asked them why this had happened. They explained, she did not leave for France at all. She was ill with cancer. She had believed that he will make it someday, but she did not want to be his obstacle... therefore she had chosen to leave him. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you wa nt them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. She had wanted her parents to put his paper cranes beside her, when shw will die.

Who is Warren Buffet ?

Who is Warren Buffet ?

There was a one hour interview on CNBC with Warren Buffet, the second richest man who has donated $31 billion to charity Here are some very interesting aspects of his life:


1. He bought his first share at age 11 and he now regrets that he started too late!


2. He bought a small farm at age 14 with savings from delivering newspapers.


3. He still lives in the same small 3-bedroom house in mid-town Omaha, that he bought after he got married 50 years ago. He says that he has everything he needs in that house. His house does not have a wall or a fence.


4. He drives his own car everywhere and does not have a driver or security people around him.


5. He never travels by private jet, although he owns the world's largest private jet company.


6. His company, Berkshire Hathaway, owns 63 companies. He writes only one letter each year to the CEOs of these companies, giving them goals


for the year. He never holds meetings or calls them on a regular basis. He has given his CEO's only two rules. Rule number 1: do not lose any


of your share holder's money. Rule number 2: Do not forget rule number 1.


7. He does not socialize with the high society crowd. His past time after he gets home is to make himself some pop corn and watch Television.


8. Bill Gates, the world's richest man met him for the first time only 5 years ago. Bill Gates did not think he had anything in common with Warren Buffet. So he had scheduled his meeting only for half hour. But when Gates met him, the meeting lasted for ten hours and Bill Gates became a devotee of Warren Buffet.


9. Warren Buffet does not carry a cell phone, nor has a computer on his desk.

His advice to young people: "Stay away from credit cards and invest in yourself and Remember:


A. Money doesn't create man but it is the man who created money.
B. Live your life as simple as you are.
C. Don't do what others say, just listen them, but do what you feel good.
D. Don't go on brand name; just wear those things in which u feel comfortable.
E. Don't waste your money on unnecessary things

family problem [humour]

family problem [ Time Pass humour]

Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot.


The Indian man said to the American, "You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once." We call this arranged marriage.

I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love... I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems."

The American said, Talking about love marriages... I'll tell you my story.

I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. "After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.

Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother.

More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son i.e. my brother is my grandson.

Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.

And you say you have family problems..

Quotes for Perseverance

 Perseverance

"On the mountains of truth you can never climb in vain: either you will reach a point higher up today, or you will be training your powers so that you will be able to climb higher tomorrow." - Friedrich Nietzsche
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"In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins- not through strength but by perseverance." - H. Jackson Brown
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"People of mediocre ability sometimes achieve outstanding success because they don't know when to quit. Most men succeed because they are determined to." -  George E. Allen
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"Perseverance is more prevailing than violence; and many things which cannot be overcome when they are together, yield themselves up when taken little by little." Plutarch
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"Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another." Walter Elliott
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"It's not so important who starts the game but who finishes it." John Wooden
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"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no help at all."  - Dale Carnegie
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"All great masters are chiefly distinguished by the power of adding a second, a third, and perhaps a fourth step in a continuous line. Many a man has taken the first step. With every additional step you enhance immensely the value of your first." Ralph Waldo Emerson
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"Consider the postage stamp; its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing until it gets there." Josh Billings
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"Some men give up their designs when they have almost reached the goal; While others, on the contrary, obtain a victory by exerting, at the last moment, more vigorous efforts than ever before." - Herodotus
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"Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts.
Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.

7 Secrets of Success..

7 Secrets of Success..

Roof said: Aim High


Fan said: Be Cool


Clock said: Every minute is precious


Mirror said: Reflect before you act


Window said: See the World


Calendar said: Be up-to-date


Door said: Push hard to achieve your goals

SMUGGLER SARDAR JI

SMUGGLER SARDAR JI

A sardarji comes up to the Pakistan border on his bike. He's got two large bags over his shoulders.
The guard Iqbal stops him and says, 'What's in the bags?' 'Sand,' answered the Sardarji.
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Iqbal says, 'We'll just see about that. Get off the bike.'
Iqbal's guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains the sardarji all night and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags.
Iqbal releases the sardaji, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the sardarji's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
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A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbal asks, 'What have you got?'
'Sand,' says the Sardarji.
----
Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to the Sardar, and crosses the border on his bike. This sequence of events is repeated every day for
three years.
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Finally, the Sardarji doesn't show up one day and the guard, Iqbal, meets him in a 'Dhaba' in Islamabad.

'Hey, Buddy,' says Iqbal, 'I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about...I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?'

The Sardaji, sips his Lassi and says, 'Bikes'

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Funny Interview in a Software Company

Interview in a Software Company : What a Fun

One of the best interviews!!!


Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.
Candidate: I am SAMEER GUPTA. I did my Tele Communication engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.
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Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had never heard of this college before!
Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission into it . What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in 12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said (I prefer to call him 'baap') - "I can not invest so much of money".(The baap actually said - "I will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this college. Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.
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Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your engineering.
Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.
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Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.
Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think they should ban it.
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Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.
Candidate: No, no... I am talking about Exams!!
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Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?
Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I would complete it. In fact, when i flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus corporation in Maharashtra) through some relative.
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Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?
Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower' education itself was so much of pain!!

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Good One Liners Joke/Humour/Fun

Good One Liners Joke/Humour/Fun

He is dark and handsome. When it's dark, he's handsome.

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Teaching is the greatest act of optimism.
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If money won't make you happy, you won't like poverty either.
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A somebody was once a nobody who wanted to and did.
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Everyone believes in heredity until their children act like fools
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There is a guaranteed way to get what you want... want less
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In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker
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All men are different, but husbands are all alike
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I am not single, I'm romantically challenged
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On the internet nothing is illegal, its all e-legal
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Make crime pay, become a lawyer.
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We the willing, following the unknowing are doing the impossible. We have
done so much for so long with so little that we are now able to do anything with nothing
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National Debt: When everyone exceeds their charge card limits
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A good listener is usually thinking about something else
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Hard work must have killed someone!
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You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it
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I fell in love at first sight... I should have looked twice
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Freedom of speech is wonderful, it's right up there with the freedom not to listen
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All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage
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Integrity is like oxygen - the higher you go, the less there is of it.

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