Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Internet Chating /Slang - Chat - Vocabulary

Internet Slangs / Slang Vocabulary / Chating

AFAIC — "as far as I'm concerned", or "as far as I care", or "as far as I can..."

AFAIK — "as far as I know"

AFAIR — "as far as I recall", or "as far as I remember"

AFK — "away from keyboard"

ASAP — "as soon as possible"

BBL — "be back later"

BBS — "be back soon"

BFD — "big fucking deal"

BRB — "be right back" (usually used in chats and on an instant messenger service).

BTW — "by the way"

B2B — "Business to Business"

C&V — Chapter & Verse. Used in newsgroups.

C N>K — a Unix -ism meaning "coffee through nose into keyboard"

cya — "see you", used as a goodbye.

CU — "see you", used as a goodbye.

CYS — "Check your settings". A phrase often said by technical support staff of a certain Australian ISP.

FAQ — "Frequently Asked Question"

FFS — "for fuck's sake!"

FOAF — "friend of a friend", i.e. the dubious attribution given to urban legends

FYI — "for your information"

G2G — "got to go". Used in chatrooms.

GAGF — "go and get fucked"

GFY — "good for you" or "go fuck yourself". The use of this acronym is ambigious and not recommended.

GG — "good going" or "good game". Used sincerely in online games such as trivia, but more often used sarcastically when someone has done something foolish. Also, it is now becoming customary for all players to say "gg" when the game is over in such games as Counter-Strike , unless a player is profoundly displeased with the outcome.

GJ — Good Job

HAND — "have a nice day"

HTH — "hope this helps"

IANAL — "I am not a lawyer". Usually used before a non-lawyer gives legal advice, as a humorous disclaimer.

IANARS — "I am not a rocket scientist"

IC — "I see", also, "in character" in MUDs and role-playing games .

ICYDK / ICYDN / ICUDK -- "In case you didn't know."

IIRC — "if I recall correctly" c.f. ISTR

IMHO — "in my humble opinion" / "in my honest opinion"

IMO — "in my opinion"

IMNSHO — "in my not-so-humble opinion"

IRC — "Internet Relay Chat"

IRL - "in real life". Used in MUD settings.

ISTR — "I seem to recall" (i.e. I'm not really sure) c.f. IIRC

IYDMMA — "if you don't mind me asking", for ex., "IYDMMA, are you a virgin?"

JJ or JK (j/k) — "just joking", "just kidding"

Joo — synonym of you. Also spelled j00 with a lower case j and two zeroes rather than two O's.

JOOC — "just out of curiosity"

k — short for "OK"

l8 — a shorthand spelling of "late".

l8r — a shorthand spelling of "later", meaning "see you later" (see leet )

LIEK — synonym of like, as in "I like that website".

LMAO — "laughing my ass off"

LOL — "laughing out loud", or "lots of laughs" (a reply to something amusing)

MYOB — "mind your own business"

NM (n/m) — "never mind" or "not much"

NOYB — "none of your business"

NP — "No Problem"

NSFW — "Not safe for work." Material (pictures, webpages) not suitable for the office, but for the home instead. Used by Fark . See SFW.

NT — "No Text", used on Internet forums or Usenet to indicate that a post has no content

O — "oh"

OIC — "oh, I see"

OMG — Exclamation, "Oh my God!!"

OMFG — Exclamation, "Oh my fucking God!!"

OMFL — Exclamation, "Oh my fucking lag!"

OOC — "out-of-character&qu ot;. Used on MUDs and other role-playing games . Also, "out of curiosity."

OT — "off topic"

OTOH — "on the other hand"

own - to defeat someone (used commonly when playing Counter-Strike ) or to humiliate someone tactically in a debate; something that is extremely cool (ex. BMWs totally own).

PFO — "please fuck off"

PITA — "pain in the ass"

PO (PO'd) — "piss off" ("pissed off")

prog — "computer program" (progz in plural)

prolly — contracted form of "probably"

plz — shorthand spelling of "please"

Pwn — step up of the word own. To "Pwn something" means to have complete control over it, and to be "Pwned by something" means to be dominated by it. (see leet )

P2P — Person to Person

qoolz — something that is "cool" in the American sense.

R — shorthand spelling of "are"

RL — "real life". Used in MUD settings.

ROFL (or ROTFL) — "rolling on the floor laughing" (a reply to something extremely amusing).

ROFLMAO (or ROTFLMAO) — "rolling on the floor laughing my ass off"

r0x0rz — leet speaks for "rocks"

RTFA — "read the fucking article" applies mostly to Slashdot threads, for users who make comments on a story without having read it first.

RTFM — "read the fucking manual" (often sanitized to "read the fine manual"). The frequent reply to a request for basic help from newbies who have not attempted to find the answer for themselves.

RU — Are You?

R8 — right

SFW — "Safe for work." Material (pictures, webpages) that is safe for the office. Used by Fark . See NSFW.

STFU — "shut the fuck up"

sux0rs — leet speak for "sucks"

TBH — "to be honest"

thx — shorthand spelling of "thanks" - this can be combined into "kthx" (OK, thanks), "plzkthx" (Please, OK, thanks), and "kthxbye" (OK, thanks, goodbye)

TTFN — Ta Ta For Now

TIA — "thanks in advance"

TTYL — "talk to you later"

U — a shorthand spelling of "you"

ur — a shorthand spelling of "you're"

w/e — slang/abbreviation for whatever

w/o — without

WDUWTA —- "what do u wanna talk about?"

WTF — "what the fuck?"

YMMV — " Your mileage may vary " (you may see different results)

w00t — exclamation of excitement or happiness; closely related to, "hell yea!" (short for woohoo) or We Owned the Other Team

w8 — shorthand spelling of "wait".

X > * — definition of something [X] is better than everything [*].

<3 — "love" (made from the ASCII-art heart between the less than symbol and the three). Ex: I <3 you.

2B - To be

4 - for

Others express concepts peculiar to the Net:



cluebie — a newbie with a clue, but not close to a guru.

guru — an expert in some technical topic, such as as C programming or Unix system administration

FAQ — frequently asked question, or a list of frequently asked questions with answers. Never seems to be written in small letters.

flamer — one who 'flames'; To rant on about some relatively uninteresting subject or with a patently ridiculous attitude or with hostility towards a particular person or group of people. "Flame" is used as a verb ("Don't flame me for this"), a flame is a single flaming message. Also is likely to relate to the term lamer.

hijack — go offtopic. done commonly by newbies in forums.

troll — a person who deliberately stirs up trouble (see article).

lurker — one who reads an email list or a message board but does not participate in the discussion.

newbie — a new user. Not a pejorative term (but see RTFM, preceding).

noob — a new user. Also spelled n00b, with two zeroes rather than two O's
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*g* - grin






g/f - girlfriend



g/g - got to go



g0 - go



g1 - good one



g2/-/ - go to hell



g2bg - got to be going



g2cu - glad to see you



g2e - got to eat



g2g - got to go



g2g2tb - got to go to the bathroom



g2g2w - got to go to work



g2gb2wn - got to go back to work now



g2gn - got to go now



g2gp - got to go pee



g2gpp - got to go pee pee



g2h - go to hell



g2hb - go to hell bitch



g2p - got to pee



g2t2s - got to talk to someone



g3y - gay



g4u - good for you



g4y - good for you



g8 - gate



g@y - gay



ga - go ahead



gaf - good as fuck



gafi - get away from it



gafl - get a fucking life



gagf - go and get fucked



gah - gay ass homo



gai - gay



gaj - get a job



gal - get a life



gamez - illegally obtained games



gaoep - generally accepted office etiquette principles



gawd - god



gb - Go back



gbtw - go back to work



gbu - god bless you



gby - good bye



gcad - get cancer and die



gcf - Google Click Fraud



gd - good



gd&r - grins, ducks, and runs



gd4u - Good For You



gday - Good Day



gdby - good bye



gded - grounded



gdgd - good good



gdi - God Damn it



gdiaf - go die in a fire



gdih - Go die in hell



gdmfpos - god damn mother fucking piece of shit



gdr - grinning, ducking, running



geto - ghetto



gewd - good



gey - gay



gf - girlfriend



gfad - go fuck a duck



gfadh - go fuck a dead horse



gfam - Go Fuck A Monkey



gfas - go fuck a sheep



gfe - Girl Friend experience



gfe2e - grinning from ear to ear



gfg - good fucking game



gfi - good fucking idea



gfj - good fucking job



gfo - go fuck off



gfu - go fuck yourself



gfus - go fuck yourself



gfx - graphics



gfy - good for you



gfyd - go fuck your dad



gfym - go fuck your mom



gfys - go fuck yourself



gg - good game



gga - good game all



ggg - Go, go, go!



ggnore - good game no rematch



ggp - gotta go pee



gh - good half



ghey - gay



gigig - get it got it good



gigo - garbage in garbage out



gilf - Grandma I'd like to fuck



gim - google instant messanger



gimme - give me



gimmie - give me



gir - google it retard



gis - Google Image Search



giv - give



gj - good job



gjial - go jump in a lake



gjp - good job partner



gjsu - god just shut up



gjt - good job team



gkys - Go kill yourself



gl - good luck



gl hf - good luck, have fun



gl&hf - good luck and have fun



glbt - Gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgenderd



glf - group looking for



glhf - good luck have fun



glln - Got Laid Last Night



glnhf - Good Luck and Have Fun



glty - Good luck this year



glu - girl like us



glwt - good luck with that



gm - good morning



gma - grandma



gmab - give me a break



gmabj - give me a blowjob



gmafb - give me a fucking break



gmao - Giggling my ass off



gmfao - Giggling My Fucking Ass Off



gmod - Global Moderator



gmta - great minds think alike



gmtyt - good morning to you too



gmv - Got my vote



gmybs - give me your best shot



gn - good night



gn8 - good night



gnfpwlbn - good news for people who love bad news



gngbng - gang bang



gnight - good night



gnite - good night



gnn - get naked now



gno - going to do



gnoc - get naked on cam



gnos - get naked on screen



gnr - Guns n' roses



gnrn - get naked right now



gnstdltbbb - good night sleep tight don't let the bed bugs bite



goia - get over it already



goin - going



gok - God Only Knows



gokid - got observers - keep it decent



gol - giggle out loud



goml - get out of my life



gona - Gonna



gonna - going to



good9 - goodnite



gooh - get out of here!



goomh - get out of my head



gork - God only really knows



gow - gears of war



goya - Get Off Your Ass



goyhh - get off your high horse



gp - good point



gpb - gotta pee bad



gpwm - good point well made



gr8 - great



gr8t - great



grats - congratulations



gratz - congratulations



grfx - graphics



grillz - metal teeth



grl - girl



grog - beer



grrl - Girl



grtg - Getting ready to go



gsad - go suck a dick



gsave - global struggle against violent extremists



gsfg - Go search fucking google



gsi - go suck it



gsoh - Good Sense of Humor



gsp - get some pussy



gsta - Gangster



gt - get



gtas - go take a shit



gtb - Go To Bed



gtfa - Go The Fuck Away



gtfbtw - get the fuck back to work



gtfh - go to fucking hell



gtfo - get the fuck out



gtfon - Get the fuck out noob



gtfooh - get the fuck out of here



gtfu - grow the fuck up



gtfuotb - get the fuck up out this bitch



gtg - got to go



gtgfn - got to go for now



gtgp - got to go pee



gtgpp - got to go pee pee



gtgtb - got to go to bed



gtgtwn - Got to go to work now



gth - go to hell



gtha - go the hell away



gthb - go to hell bitch



gthmf - go to hell mothafucka



gthu - grow the heck up



gthyfah - go to hell you fucking asshole



gtk - good to know



gtn - getting



gtr - Got to run



gtty - good talking to you



gud - good



gudd - good



gurl - girl



guru - expert



gw - good work



gwm - gay white male



gwork - good work



gwrk - good work



gws - get well soon



gwytose - go waste your time on someone else



gyal - girl



gypo - Get Your Penis Out



roflmfao - rolling on the floor laughing my fucking ass off

--------------

h&k - hugs and kisses



h*r - homestar runner



h/e - However



h/mo - homo



h/o - hold on



h/u - hold up



h/w - homework



h2 - Halo 2



h2gtb - have to go to the bathroom



h2o - water



h4kz0r5 - hackers



h4x - Hacks



h4x0r - hacker



h4xor - hacker



h4xr - hacker



h4xx0rz - hacker



h8 - hate



h82sit - hate to say it



h8er - hater



h8r - hater



h8s - hates



h8te - hate



h8tr - hater



ha> - hacker



hafta - have to



hagd - have a good day



hagn - have a good night



hago - have a good one



hags - have a great summer



hai - hello



hait - hate



hak - here's a kiss



hakas - have a kick ass summer



hammrd - hammered



han - how about now



hav - have



hawt - hot



hawtie - hottie



hax - Hacks



hax0r - hacker



hax0red - hacked



hax0rz - Hackers



haxer - Hacker



haxor - hacker



haxoring - hacking



haxors - hackers



haxorz - hackers



haxxor - hacker



haxz0r - Hacker



haxzor - hacker



hayd - how are you doing



hb - hurry back



hbd - happy birthday



hbic - head bitch in charge



hbu - how about you



hby - how about you



hc - how come



hcihy - how can I help you



hdop - Help Delete Online Predators



heh - haha



hella - very



heya - hey



heyt - hate



heyy - hello



hf - have fun



hfn - Hell fucking no



hfs - holy fucking shit!



hg - HockeyGod



hhiadb - Holy Hole in a Donut Batman



hhok - Ha Ha Only Kidding



hi2u - hello



hi2u2 - hello to you too



hiet - height



hiik - Hell If I Know



hijack - start an off topic discussion



hith - how in the hell



hj - hand job



hl - Half-Life



hl2 - Half-Life 2



hla - Hot lesbian action



hlb - horny little bastard



hld - hold



hldn - hold on



hldon - hold on



hll - Hell



hlm - he loves me



hlp - help



hlysht - Holy shit



hmb - hold me back



hmewrk - homework



hmfic - head mother fucker in charge



hmw - homework



hmwk - homework



hng - horny net geek



ho - hold on



hoas - Hang on a second



holla - hey



homey - Friend



homie - good friend



homo - homosexual



hoopty - broke down automobile



hott - hot



howdey - hello



howz - hows



hpb - high ping bastard



hpybdy - happy birthday



hre - here



hru - how r u



hrud - how are you doing



hs - headshot



hsik - how should i know



hsr - homestar runner



hss - horse shit and splinters



hswm - Have Sex With me



htc - hit the cell



htf - how the fuck



hth - hope that helps



htr - hater



http - hyper text transfer protocol



hud - Heads Up Display



huggle - hug and cuddle



hugz - hugs



hun - honey



hv - have



hve - have



hw - homework



hw? - how?



hwg - here we go



hwga - here we go again



hwk - homework



hwmbo - he who must be obeyed



hwms - hot wild monkey sex



hxc - hardcore



hyg - here you go



--------------



i <3 u - I love you



i c - i see



i8 - alright



i8u - i hate you



i<3 u - i love you



i<3u - I love you



iab - I Am Bored



iafh - I Am Fucking Hot



iafi - I am from India



iag - it's all good



iah - i am horny



ianabs - I am not a brain surgeon



ianacl - I am not a copyright lawyer



ianal - I am not a lawyer



ianalb - I am not a lawyer, but..



ianars - I am not a rocket scientist



ians - I am Not Sure



ianyl - I am not your lawyer



iasb - i am so bored



iatb - I am the best



iateu - i hate you



iaw - In Another Window



iawtc - I agree with this comment



iawtp - I agree with this post



ib - I'm back



ibcd - Idiot between chair & desk



ibs - Internet Bitch Slap



ibtl - In Before The Lock



ic - I see



icbi - i can't believe it



icbiwoop - I chuckled, but it was out of pity.



icbt - i can't believe that



icbu - I can't believe you



icbyst - i cant believe you said that



icgup - I can give you pleasure



icic - I See. I See



icp - insane clown posse



icsrg - I can still reach Google



ictrn - I can't talk right now



icty - i can't tell you



icu - i see you



icudk - in case you didn't know



icup - i see you pee



icw - I care why?



icwudt - I see what you did there



icydk - in csae you didn't know



icydn - in case you didn't know



id10t - idiot



idbtwdsat - i dont believe they would do such a thing



idc - I don't care



iddi - I didn't do it



idec - I don't even care



idek - I don't even know



idfc - i dont fucking care



idfk - i dont fucking know



idgac - i don't give a crap



idgad - I don't give a damn



idgaf - i don't give a fuck



idgara - I don't give a rat's ass



idgas - i don't give a shit



idgi - I don't get it



idjit - idiot



idk - I don't know



idkbibt - I don't know but I've Been Told



idke - I don't know ethier



idkh - I don't know how



idkh2s - i don't know how to spell



idkt - I don't know that



idkw - I don't know why



idkwts - I don't know what to say



idkwurta - I don't know what you are talking about.



idky - i dont know you



idkymb2 - I didn't know yoru mom blogs too



idly - I don't like you



idn - i don't know



idonno - i do not know



idop - it depends on price



idr - I dont remember



idrk - i don't really know



idrts - I don't really think so



idsw - i don't see why



idtkso - i don't think so



idts - i don't think so



idunno - i do not know



iduwym - I don't understand what you mean.



idwk - I don't wanna know



idwt - i don't want to



idwtg - I don't want to go



iebkac - issue exists between keyboard and chair



ietf - internet engineering task force



iff - if and only if



ifhy - i fucking hate you



iflu - i fucking love you



ifthtb - i find that hard to belive



ig5oi - I got 5 on it



igahp - I've got a huge penis



igalboc - I've got a lovely bunch of cocnuts



ight - alright



igkymfa - I'm gonna kick your mother fucking ass



igs - I guess so



igtgt - I got to go tinkle



igtkya - im going to kick your ass



ih2gp - I have to go pee



ih2p - i'll have to pass



ih8mls - I hate my little sister



ih8p - I hate parents



ih8u - I hate you



ih8usm - i hate you so much



ihac - I have a customer



ihat3u - I hate you



ihiwydt - I hate it when you do that



ihmp - i hate my parents



ihnfc - I have no fucking clue



ihni - i have no idea



iht - I heard that



ihtfp - I hate this fucking place



ihtgttbwijd - I have to go to the bathroom, wait I just did.



ihtp - I Have To Poop



ihu - I hate you



ihusm - i hate you so much



ihy - i hate you



ihya - i hate you all



iigh - alright



iight - alright



iirc - if I recall correctly



iistgtbtipi - If It Sounds Too Good To Be True It Probably Is



iitywybmad - if I tell you, will you buy me a drink?



iiuc - if I understand correctly



iiw2 - is it web 2.0?



iiwii - it is what it is



ij - indide joke



ijeomk - I just ejaculated on my keybord



ijf - i just farted



ijgl - I just got laid



ijit - idiot



ijpmp - I just peed my pants



ijpms - I just pissed myself



ik - i know



iki - i know it



ikm - I know man



ikr - I know really



ikwum - I know what you meant



ikwym - i know what you mean



ilbcnu - i'll be seeing you



ilcul8r - I'll see u later



ili - i love it



ilk2fku - I would like to fuck you



ilms - I love my self



ilotibinlirl - I'm laughing on the internet, but I'm not laughing in real life



iltf - i love to fuck



ilu - I love you



ilulafklc - I love you like a fat kid loves cake.



ilusfm - I love you so fucking much



ilusm - I love you So much



iluvya - i love you



iluwamh - i love you with all my heart



ily - i love you



ily2 - i love you too



ilykthnxbai - i love you k thanks bye



ilylafklc - i love you like a fat kid loves cake



ilylc - i love you like crazy



ilym - i love you more



ilymtyk - i love you more than you know



ilysfm - i love you so fucking much



ilysm - i love you so much



ilysmm - i love you so much more



ilysvm - i love you so very much



im - Instant Message



im'd - instant messaged



ima - I am a



imao - in my arrogant opinion



imb - I am back



imcdo - in my conceited dogmatic opinion



imed - instant messaged



imfao - In My Fucking Arrogant Opinion



imfo - in my fucking opinion



imh - I am here



imhbco - In my humble but correct opinion



imhe - in my humble experience



imho - in my humble opinion



imm - instant message me



imma - I'm going to



imnerho - In my not even remotely humble opinion



imnl - I'm not laughing



imnsho - in my not so humble opinion



imo - in my opinion



impo - In My Personal Opinion



impov - in my point of view



imsb - i am so bored



imts - I meant to say



imusm - I miss you so much



imvho - in my very humble opinion



imwtk - Inquiring minds want to know



imy - I miss you



imya - i miss you already



inbd - it's no big deal



indie - independent



inet - internet



inho - in my honest opinion



init - isn't it



inmp - it's not my problem



innit - isn't it



ino - I know



intarwebs - internet



interweb - internet



intpftpotm - I nominate this post for the post of the month



inttwmf - I am Not Typing This With My Fingers



invu - I envy you



ioh - I'm out of here



iokiya - it's ok if you are



iono - I don't know



iotd - image of the day



iou - i owe you



iow - in other words



ioya - I'd Own Your Ass



ip - internet protocol



irc - internet relay chat



irgtgbtw - I've really got to get back to work



irhtgttbr - I really have to go to the bathroom



irl - in real life



irly - I really love you



irt - in reply to



irtf - I'll return the favor



isbya - im sorry but you asked



isg - I speak geek



isianmtu - I swear I am not making this up



iso - In Search Of



isp - internet service provider



iss - im so sorry



istr - I seem to remember



itb - in the butt



itd - in the dark



ite - alright



itk - in the know



itt - in this thread



ityltk - I thought you'd like to know



itz - it's



iucmd - if you catch my drift



iukwim - if you know what i mean



iuno - i dunno



ive - i have



iw2fu - i want to fuck you



iw2mu - I WANT TO MEET U



iwbrbl@r - I will be right back later



iwc - In Which Case



iwfusb - i wanna fuck you so bad



iwhi - I would hit it



iwk - I wouldn't know



iws - i want sex



iwsn - i want sex now



iwtfu - i want to fuck you



iwtfy - i want to fuck you



iwthswy - i want to have sex with you



iwu - i want you



iwyb - I want your body



iydmma - if you don't mind me asking



iyf - In your face



iykwim - if you know what I mean



iym - I am your man



iyo - in your opinion



iyq - I like you



iz - is

--------------

j/a - Just Asking



j/c - just curious



j/j - just joking



j/k - just kidding



j/o - jackoff



j/p - just playing



j/w - just wondering



j00 - you



j00r - your



j2luk - just to let you know



j4f - just for fun



j4g - just for grins



j4u - just for you



jalaudlm - just as long as you don't leave me



jas - just a second



jbu - just between us



jc - just curious



jcam - just checking away message



jcath - Just chilling at the house



jdfi - Just fucking do it



jebus - Jesus



jeomk - Just ejaculated on my keyboard



jfc - Jesus fucking Christ



jfdi - Just Fucking Do It!



jff - just for fun



jfg - just for giggles



jfgi - just fucking google it



jfi - just forget it



jfk - Just fucking kidding



jflts - just felt like typing something



jfr - Just for reference



jfwy - just fucking with you



jgiyn - Just google it you noob



jhm - just hold me



jic - just in case



jit - just in time



jj - just joking



jj/k - just joking



jk - just kidding



jka - just kidding around



jking - joking



jm - Just Messing



jma - just messing around



jmo - just my opinion



jms - just making sure



jom - just one minuite



joo - you



jooc - just out of curiosity



jooce - Juice



joor - your



jp - just playing



jsing - just saying



jst - just



jsuk - just so you know



jsut - just



jtlyk - just to let you know



jtoi - just thought of it



jtol - just thinking out loud



jttsiowctw - just testing to see if other websites copy this word



jtysk - just thought you should know



jumping the couch - acting strange



jus - just



juss - just



juzt - just



jw - just wondering



jyfihp - jam your finger in her pussy

------------------



k3wl - cool



ka - Kick Ass



kafn - kill all fucking noobs



kah - kisses and hugs



kaw - kick ass work



kb - KiloBite



kek - laughing out loud



kewel - cool



kewl - cool



kfc - kentucky fried chicken



khitbash - kick her in the box and shove her



kia - Killed In Action



kicks - sneakers



kiled - killed



kinda - kind of



kir - kid in room



kis - keep it simple



kisa - knight in shining armor



kit - keep in touch



kitfo - knock it the fuck off



kiwf - Kill It With Fire



kk - ok



kkk - ku klux klan



kl - cool



kma - kiss my ass



kmao - kick my ass off



kmfa - kiss my fucking ass



kmp - kill me please



knackered - drunk



knewb - new player



knn - fuck your mother



kno - know



knw - know



kol - kiss on lips



koo - cool



kool - cool



kos - kid over shoulder



kotc - kiss on the cheek



kotl - kiss on the lips



kotor - Knights of the old republic



kots - keep on talking shit



kpc - keeping parents clueless



ks - kill steal



ktfo - knocked the fuck out



kthanxbi - Okay, thanks. Bye.



kthnxbai - Okay, thanks, bye



kthnxbye - Okay, thanks, bye



kthx - ok, thank you



kthxbai - ok thanks bye!



kthxbi - ok, thank you, goodbye



kthxbye - ok, thank you, goodbye



kthxbye - ok, thank you, goodbye



kthxmn - Ok Thanks Man



kthz - ok thanks



ktnx - Okay and Thanks



kuhl - cool



kutgw - Keep Up The good Work



kuwl - cool



kwim - Know What I Mean



kwis - Know what I'm saying?



kwit - quit



kwl - cool



kwtsds - Kiss where the sun don't shine



kyag - Kiss Your Ass Goodbye



kyfag - kiss your fucking ass goodbye



kyfc - keep your fingers crossed



kyko - keep your knickers on



kys - kill yourself

-----------

l'omg - lol omg



l0lz - laugh out loud



l2p - learn to play



l2r - Learn to read



l337 - elite



l33t - elite



l4m3rz - lamers



l8 - late



l84skool - late for school



l8a - later



l8er - later



l8r - see you later



l8rs - laters



l8rz - later



l8s - later



l8t - later



l8ter - later



l8tr - later



laff - laugh



lak - love and kisses



lalol - lots and lots of laughs



lam - leave a message



lamf - like a motherfucker



lappy - Laptop



larp - live action role-play



lat - laugh at that



lata - later



lates - later



latn - laugh at the newbs



latr - Later



latwttb - laughing all the way to the bank



lau - laugh at you



lawd - lord



lawl - lauging out loud with a southern drawl



lawl'd - laughed out loud



lawled - laughed out loud



lawls - laughing out loud with a southern drawl



lawlz - laughing out loud with a southern drawl



lbr - little boy's room



ldr - Long-distance relationship



lee7 - elite



leet - elite



legit - legitimate



leik - like



leme - let me



lemme - let me



lesbo - lesbian



less than 3 - love



less than three - love



lez - Lesbian



lezbean - lesbian



lezbo - lesbian



lezzzie - lesbian



lf1m - Looking for one more



lfg - Looking for group



lfm - looking for mate



lfp - looking for pussy



lfr - Laughing for real



lgb - lesbian/gay/bisexual



lgbnaf - lets get butt naked and fuck



lgf - little green footballs



lgn - link goes nowhere



lgot - let's go out tonight



lgr - little girls room



lgs - let's go shopping!



lhao - laughing her ass off



liek - like



lifo - last in first out



ligaff - like I give a flying fuck



ligafs - like I give a flying shit



ligas - like I give a shit



lih - Laugh in head



liita - love is in the air



lik - like



lil - little



limh - laugh in my head



lirl - laughing in real life



liyf - laughing in your face



lj - live journal



lk - like



llap - live long and prosper



llol - literally laughing out loud



lm4aq - Let's meet for a quickie.



lma - leave me alone



lmamf - leave me alone mother fucker



lmao - laughing my ass off



lmaol - laughing my ass out loud



lmaomtoaoa - Laugh my ass off many times over and over again



lmaonade - laughing my ass off



lmaootf - Laughing my ass off on the floor



lmaorof - Laughing my Ass off Rolling on the floor



lmaorotf - laughing my ass off rolling on the floor



lmaowtntpm - laughing my ass off whilst trying not to piss myself



lmaoxh - laughing my ass off extremely hard



lmb - lick my balls



lmbao - laughing my black ass off



lmbfwao - laughing my big fat white ass off



lmbo - laughing my butt off



lmclao - laughing my cute little ass off



lmd - Lick My Dick



lmfao - laughing my fucking ass off



lmffo - Laughing my fucking face off



lmfho - laughing my fucking head off



lmfpo - laughing my fucking pussy off



lmfto - laughing my fuckin tits off



lmgdao - Laughing My God Damn Ass Off



lmhao - laughing my hairy ass off



lmho - laughing my heiny off



lmip - LETS MEET IN PERSON



lmirl - Let's meet in real life



lmk - let me know



lmmfao - laughing my mother fucking ass off



lmmfaos - laughing my mother fucking ass off silly



lmmfas - laugh my mother fuckin ass off



lmmffao - laughing my mother fucking fat ass off



lmo - Leave Me One



lmoao - Laughing my Other Ass Off



lmp - lick my pussy



lmpo - laughing my panties off



lms - leave me some



lmsao - laughing my sexy ass off



lmso - laughing my socks off



lmtfa - leave me the fuck alone



lmto - laughing my tits off



lmtus - let me tell you something



ln - last name



lnk - Link



lobfl - Laugh Out Bloody Fucking Loud



lof - Laughing on floor



lofi - uncool



lofl - laugh out fucking loud



lol - laughing out loud



lol'd - laughed out loud



lol@u - Laugh out loud at you



lolarotf - laughing out loud and rolling on the floor



lolcano - laugh out loud



lolcity - the whole city laughs out loud



lold - laughed out loud



lolees - laugh out loud



lolerz - laugh out loud



lolin - laughing out loud



lollam - Laughing Out Loud Like A Maniac



lollercaust - an extreme event of hilarity



lollercoaster - laugh out loud (a lot)



lollerskates - laughing out loud



lolm - laugh out loud man



loln - laught out loud... not



lolngs - laghing out loud never gonna stop



lolocost - laugh out loud



lolol - saying "lol" out loud



lololz - laugh out loud



lolpimp - Laughing out loud peeing in my pants



lolrof - Laughing out loud while rolling on the floor.



lolrotf - laughing out loud rolling on the floor



lols - laugh out loud



lolz - laugh out loud



loml - love of my life



lomy - love of my life



loti - laughing on the inside



lotr - lord of the rings



lov - love



loxen - laughing out loud



loxxen - laughing out loud



lozer - loser



lpb - low ping bastard



lpiaw - Large Penis is always welcome



lpms - life pretty much sucks



lqtm - Laugh quietly to myself



lqtms - Laughing quietly to myself



lqts - laughing quietly to self



lrfl - Laughing really fucking loud



lrh - laughing really hard



lrqtms - laughing really quietly to myself



lshismp - laughed so hard I shit my pants



lshiwms - laughing so hard I wet myself



lsr - loser



lsudi - Lets see you do it



ltip - laughting until I puke



ltms - Laughing to my self



ltnc - Long time no see



ltns - long time no see



ltnsoh - Long time, no see or hear



ltp - Lay the pipe



ltr - later



lttpot - laughing to the point of tears



ltw - Lead The Way



lu2 - love you too



lu4l - love you for life



lub - laugh under breath



lug - lesbian until graduation



lul - love you lots



lulab - Love you like a brother



lulas - Love You Like a Sister



lulz - Laughing out loud.



lurker - one who reads but doesn't reply



luser - user who is a loser



luv - love



luver - lover



luvv - love



lv - love



lvl - level



lvn - loving



lvya - love you



lwih - look what I have



ly - love you



lyaab - Love you as a brother



lyaaf - Love you as a friend



lyao - laugh your ass off



lybo - laugh your butt off



lyfe - life



lyk - like



lyk3 - like



lyke - like



lyl - love you lots



lylab - love you like a brother



lylaba - love u like a brother always



lylad - love you like a dad



lylafklc - love you like a fat kid loves cake



lylam - love you like a mom



lylas - I love you like a sister



lylasa - love u like a sister always



lylno - Love you like no other



lyls - love you lots



lymi - love you mean it



lysm - love you so much



lyt - love you too



lzr - loser

--------------

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

What do u have ???? Tumhare Paas Kya Hai ???

What do u have ???? Tumhare Paas Kya Hai ???

A Senior Manager working in an MNC, as usual after lunch goes to the cafeteria for coffee.

He relaxes in canteen. He sees a canteen boy cleaning tables there.

To Kill time he decides to have fun with him.

He calls him.

Senior Manager - (Asks canteen boy) : How much do you earn?

Canteen boy smiles...

Senior Manager - what are your future plans?

Canteen boy keeps quiet...

Senior Manager - where do you see yourself 10 years down the line?

Canteen boy gives a cold stare.

Senior Manager - Jab mai Bangalore aaya tha tab mere paas bhi kuch

nahi tha.... Aaj mere paas kya nahin hai...

naam hai..........,

shohrat hai.........,

paisa hai............

Izzat Hai.............,

tumhare paas kya hai?

Scroll down to find out his answer

Don't think that he answered like Shashi Kapoor of Deewar ki "Mere

paas Maa hain"

Just Scroll some more..............

....


........


..........



..........


................

.............



...............



..............


................

.................


.........................................

Canteen boy - Sa'ab mere paas bahut KAAM hai....


Senior Manager leaves the cafeteria silently.......



Boss & Problem

Never take a problem to your boss unless you have a solution

Jeetao Preeto Santa Banta And Sardarji Jokes

Jeetao Preeto Santa Banta And Sardarji Jokes

Sardar: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.
Jeeto: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml now it's 1.5 ltr.

************ ********* ********* ***

On Jeeto's bday Sardar had no money,

so he sent a cheque of 100 kisses.

When he returns home Jeeto said:

Thanks I got cheque cashed from bank manager.


************ ********* ********* ****
Teacher: make a sentence in which 1 word repeated 4 times
Sardar: lara dutta marries brian lara and she becomes lara lara
************ ********* ********* *****
Teacher: is line ki english banao, usne apna kaam kiya or karta hi gya.
Santa: He done his work and done dana dan done dana dan....
************ ********* ********* ****
Santa went to mysore palace.
Tourist guide - santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chair
Santa - oye dont worry yaar i'll get up when he comes.!!..

************ ********* ********* *****
Sardar wanted to make a STD. call to punjab,
He wanted to save money so what did he do?
Simple, he went to punjab and made a local call.


************ ********* ********* ***
A Sardar enters shop shouts,
Where is my free gift with this oil?
Shopkeeper: Iske Saath koi gift nahin hai bhai saab !!
Sardar : Oye ispe likha hai CHOLESTROL FREE.


************ ********* ********* *****

SARDAR JOKE

SARDAR JOKE


Air hostess: Aap 1 gante me 4bar toilet gaye! R U OK? Kya aap ko chein nahi hai? SARDAR: 'Chain' hai par khulti nahi hai!!!


Sardar on phone "Doctor my wife is pergnant.She is having pain right now".
Doctor: Is this her first child?
Sardar: No this is her husband speaking............


Sardars looking at Egyptian mummy.Sardar1:Look so many bandages, pakka truck accident case. Sardar2: Aaho, truck nambar bhi likha hai. BC-1760!!

Sardar: Will u merry , after i die .
Wife : No i wiil live with my sister.
Wife : Will u marry , after i die .
Sardar: No i will also live with ur sister.


How do you make a Sardar laugh on "Saturday"?
Tell him "a joke on Tuesday....!!!!

Sardarji is filling up a job application...........................
He promptly fills in the lines on Name, Age, Addr,& etc.
Then came the column Salary Expected.....................
After much thought he writes: Yes.............................

A Sardar saw a Beautiful Girl,he Went and Kissed her.
Girl: "STUPID what r u doing?"
Sardar: B.Com final year"

A sardarji photographer is focusing a dead body's face in a funeral function,
suddenly all dead persons relatives beat him. why? He said "SMILE PLEASE"


Teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"


Ek sardar exame dene gaya to apnay saath palumber ko saath le kar gaya.
guess karo kyun le kar gaya?
aray yaar simple hai us ko yeh news mili thi k paper leak ho gaya. ha ha ha ha ha ha.


Aik Sardar Apnae Marriage Certificate ku 1 hour sae Dekh raha tha.
Begam Ai Booli, Tusi inni Dair Say Kia Dekh Rahe Hu?
Sardar Bola, Expiry Date Dekh raha hoon......





Sardar Jokes (Santa Banta)

Sardarji ke Jokes

Sardar : I hav'nt slept all nite in the train.
Friend : why?
Sardar : Got upper berth.
Friend : why didn't you exchange?
Sardar : Oye, there was nobody to exchange in the lower berth..
------------------------- -----------------
Teacher lecturing on population:
In India after Every 10 sec a women gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up and says: we must find and stop her !!
------------------------- ------------
Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected"
After much thought he wrote : Yes

------------------------- -------------------
Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave him 11 cr after deducting tax.
Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.!
------------------------- ------------------------- -----
Sardar proposed a Girl
. . .
Girl said 'I'm 1 year elder to you'
. . .
Sardar said 'Oye No Problem Soniye, I'll marry you NEXT YEAR
------------------------- ------------------
Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
------------------------- --------
A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the morning.
Sardarji replied ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''
Note: Manmohan Singh is the Prime Minister (PM) of INDIA
------------------------- ------
Urine Test
Two sardarjis were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like anything.
So the other asked, "Why are you crying?"
The first one replied, "I came here for blood test"
Second one asked, "So? Are you afraid?"
First one replied, "No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger"
Hearing this the second one started crying. The first one was astonished and asked other, "Why are you crying?"
The other replied, "I have come for my urine test."
------------------------- ----------
One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in UK.
A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing"
Sardar answered '" No I am Banta Singh"
Another Guy Came and asked the same Question.
Sardar answered " No No Me ! Banta Singh"
Third one came and asked the same question, Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to
shift his place.
While walking he saw another Sardar enjoying the Beach.
He went and asked him " Are you Relaxing?". The other Sardar was much educated and answered "Yes I am relaxing.
The Sardar slapped him on his face and said "Idiot, they are all searching for you and you are sitting here"


Best Answers For Interview

7 Best Answers For Interview
( How to make fool & win)


Q: Why did you leave your last job?
Real answer: It didn’t work out.
What you should say: I felt my talents and abilities were underutilised.
------------------------- -------------------------
Q: What are your biggest weaknesses?
Real answer:
Hate all forms of authority and can't concentrate for long.
What you should say:
I am a workaholic. I just don't know when to put down my work.
------------------------- ------------------------- ---
Q: You don't seem to hold on to a job long. Why should we think you'll stay here any longer than you've stayed elsewhere?
Real answer: My employers have always had a hang-up about keeping only competent employees.
What you should say: I am at a point in my career where I am tired of moving around. I really want to feel part of a team, a long-term enterprise, where I can make a contribution.
------------------------- ------------------------- -----
Q: How do you handle change?
Real answer: I deal with it everyday.
What you should say: I think everyone knows that today the only constant is change. I thrive on it.
------------------------ ------------------------- --
Q: How do you get along with others?
Real answer: Fine, as long as they stay out of my way.
What you should say: I think the interpersonal dynamics of the workplace can be among the most satisfying aspects of any job.
------------------------- ------------------------- --
Q: What does the word success mean to you?
Real answer: It means that I don't have to drag myself out of bed.
What you should say: Success, for me, would be knowing I am making a difference working with a team of people to make a more profitable enterprise.
------------------------- ------------------------- ---
Q: What does the word failure mean to you?
Real answer: It means I continue to collect unemployment insurance.
What you should say: Failure? I'm sorry. That word is not in my vocabulary.

Who is the Father of Abhishek Bachhan - KBC Amitabh & Santa

Who is the Father of Abhishek Bachhan - KBC(Kaun Banega Karorepati) Amitabh & Santa

Amitabh : Apka 13th question 25 lakh ke leye yeh raha apke samne..
Contestant Santa Singh is tensed.
Amitabh : Who is the father of Abhishek Bacchan




ON Computer Screen:

A. Amitabh Bacchan B. Laloo Prasad Yadav
C. Azharuddin D. General Perverz Musharaff .


Amitabh : Apka kya jawab hai ?! ( He is quite sure that Santa will opt for A)
But Santa is still confused.


Amitabh : Apke pas do life line hai..50:50 and phone a friend.
Santa: I think it is A, but am not sure.


Amitabh : Not sure... Hmmm ap kya karna chahenge?
Santa : I would like to use 50:50?


Amitabh: Ok computer , 2 galat javabo ko mita de..

Computer after deleting two names, leaves two options which are: -
B. Laloo Prasad Yadav.
C. Moh. Azharuddin.


Amitabh is confused and tensed thinks how come the computer has made this
mistake But as is said in bollywood the show must go on.
Now Santa is confused.
Santa: I would like to use the last life line phone a friend..
Amitabh : Ap kisko phone karna chahenge?
Santa : "Mein Jaya Bachan ji ko phone karna chahoonga...."


Amitabh Fainted !!!!!
And the call is now connected to Jayabachan and listen ......
Santa asked the question to Jaya.
Santa : " Jayaji , Who is the father of Abhishek Bacchan ?
Jaya Bachan: Give me the options!!!!!!

Sunday, April 10, 2011

How To Propose A Girl in C Program

Read & Enjoy : How To Propose A Girl in C Program

#include “STD ISD PCO.h”
#include “love.h”
#define Cute beautiful_lady
main()
{
goto college;
scanf(“100%”,&ladies);
if(lady ==Cute )
line++;
while( !reply )
{
printf(“I Love U”);
scanf(“100%”,&reply);
}
if(reply == “GAALI”)
main(); /* go back and repeat the process */
else if(reply == “SANDAL “)
exit(1);
else if(reply == “I Love U”)
{
lover =Cute ;
love = (heart*)malloc(sizeof(lover));
}
goto restaurant;
restaurant:
{
food++;
smile++;
pay->money = lover->money;
return(college);
}
if(time==2.30)
goto cinema;
cinema:
{
watch++;
if(intermission)
{
coke++;
Popecorn++;
}
}
if(time ==6.00)
goto park;
park:
{
for(time=6.30;time<=8.30;time+=0.001)
kiss = kiss+1;
}
free(lover);
return(home);
if(time ==9.30)
goto pub;
pub:
{
friends++;
party++;
booze++;
smoke++;
if(pub.close())
{
pay->bill;
come->out;
}
}
if (highly->intoxicated)
goto friendsroom;
else
{
sweetpan++;
polo++;
goto home;
}
friendsroom:
{
goto sleep;
}
home:
{
if(mom.shouts())
{
reason=(combinedstudy-project-work-friends-bday);
say->reason;
}
if(dad.shouts())
shut->yourmouth;
call->lover;
if(phone->voice==(lover_dad->voice
lover_mom->voice))
{
hang++;
}
else if(phone->voice==lover->voice)
{
for(time=12:30;time<=1.30;time+=0.001)
{
say->ILuvU;
scanf(“100%”,&reply); /* “I Love U” already stored in reply */
}
}
goto sleep;
}
sleep:
{
*(dream)=love;
}
}

Little Johnny & Fake Money

Little Johnny & Hobby Shop

Little Johnny went into a hobby shop, took a toy plane, and gave the shopkeeper fake money.


The shopkeeper told him, "Hey you, this ain't real money."

Little Johnny did not reply as he began to walk out of the shop.

The shopkeeper said the same thing and the same thing happened.

The third time the shopkeeper called him, Little Johnny said "What?"

The shopkeeper said, "This aint real money!"

Little Johnny finally said, "And this aint a real plane!"

Today's Professional Management FUNDAS

Today's Professional Management FUNDAS

1."We will do it" means "You will do it"


2."You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"


3."We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on the same"


4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done "At least not tomorrow!"


5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"


6."There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied"


7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will talk later"


8."We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time"


9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."


10."We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually fought"


11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"


12."You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"


13."We need to find out the real reason" means "Well I will tell you where your fault is"


14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected," means, "Well you know..."


15."We are a team," means, "I am not the only one to be blamed"


16."That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it"

17."All the Best" means "You are in trouble"

Good Humour - Aishwarya Roy,Manmohan Singh, Asif Jardari, Sonia Gandhi in Tunnel !! Enjoy

Humour : Aishwarya Roy,Manmohan Singh, Asif Jardari, Sonia Gandhi in Tunnel

This joke has been making rounds for quite a few years now….names of the celebrities keep changing though…Gud one… Enjoy...!!



Politics In Tunnel

Manmohan Singh, Asif Zardari, Aishwarya Rai and Sonia Gandhi were traveling in a train. The train suddenly goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark.

Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. Sonia and Manmohan are sitting there looking perplexed. Zardari is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.


Sonia is thinking: "This guy (Zardari) is all crazy after Aishwarya. Zardari must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him".

Aishwarya is thinking: "Zardari must have moved to kiss me, and kissed Sonia instead and got slapped." Zardari is thinking: "Damn it! Manmohan must have tried to kiss Aishwarya, she thought it was me and slapped me."


Manmohan Singh is thinking: "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap Zardari again."

Singh is King! Singh is King!! Singh is King!!!

Important For Life - STRUGGLE

STRUGGLE - Why It So Important in Life



Trials in life can be tragedies or triumphs, depending on how we handle them. Triumphs


don't come without effort.


A biology teacher was teaching his students how a caterpillar turns into a butterfly. He


told the students that in the next couple of hours, the butterfly would struggle to come out


of the cocoon. But no one should help the butterfly. Then he left.




The students were waiting and it happened. The butterfly struggled to get out of the


cocoon, and one of the students took pity on it and decided to help the butterfly out of the


cocoon against the advice of his teacher. He broke the cocoon to help the butterfly so it


didn't have to struggle anymore. But shortly afterwards the butterfly died.




When the teacher returned, he was told what happened. He explained to this student that


by helping the butterfly, he had actually killed it because it is a law of nature that the


struggle to come out of the cocoon actually helps develop and strengthen its wings. The


boy had deprived the butterfly of its struggle and the butterfly died.




Apply this same principle to our lives. Nothing worthwhile in life comes without a struggle.


As parents we tend to hurt the ones we love most because we don't allow them to


struggle to gain strength.

Great Sardar Jokes/Fun/Amusement

Great Sardar Jokes


At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!



Sardar: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar: U cheated me.


Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.


Sardar: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'All India Radio! '
--------------------------------------------------
Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?


Sardar: An old king's skeleton.


Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?


Sardar: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.


---------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar declares:


.... . . I will never marry in my life &. . .


.. . . I'll give same advice to my children also. . . ..
-----------------------------------------------------------


A donkey kicked a Sardar & ran away


Sardar ran to catch the donkey.


He saw a zebra & started beating it & said 'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka de raha hai'.


------------------------


Santa went to Mysore palace.


Tourist guide - Santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chair


Santa - Oye dont worry yaar i'll get up when he comes.!!..
--------------------------------------


Sardar wanted to make a STD call to punjab,


He wanted to save money so what did he do?


Simple, he went to punjab and made a local call..
-------------------------------------------------


One tourist from U.S.A.asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village?


Sardar: No sir, only small babies!!!
-------------------------------------------
Teacher: A for?


Sardar: Apple


Teacher: Jor se bolo?


Sardar: Jay mata di.
-------------------------------------


2 sardars were fighting after exam.


Sir: Y r u fighting?


1st Sardar: This fool left the answer sheet blank,


Sir: So what?


1st Sardar: Even i did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both copied.
------------------------------


Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts its 1 leg, and says, "chal", it walks.


He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, "chal" , it walks.


He cuts all the legs and said, "chal....." Finally he wrote the conclusion.......


..... "after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes deaf......"


---------------------------------------


2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.


Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.


Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....
-------------------------------


A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.


Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?


Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating.......
----------------------------------------




2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.


Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.


Sardar 2: Dont worry, I have one more.
-----------------------


Sardar: What is the name of your car?


Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.


Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.
-------------------------








Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.


Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
---------


Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken..


Sardar: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

Economics: SOCIALISM, COMMUNISM, FASCISM, NAZISM, BUREAUCRATISM

 Cow Economics: SOCIALISM, COMMUNISM, FASCISM, NAZISM, BUREAUCRATISM, TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM


SOCIALISM:
You have 2 cows
and you give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM:
You have 2 cows
the Government takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM:
You have 2 cows
the Government takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM:
You have 2 cows.
The Government takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM:
You have 2 cows
the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION: (i love this one)
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows
But you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows
None of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.

You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRISH FARMER:
You have two cows.
You claim government subsidies for eight cows